Tag Archives: Today’s Ghost

REVIEW: More Fun With Twins

Hmm, More Fun With Twins ($1.00), you say? I mean, it sounds like a challenge, so let’s go ahead and dissect that affirmative statement posing as a game title that’s posing as a game, the reality of it being a lazy match-2 card thing with tits, a blatant cash grab of the worst sort. I’d rather re-play Date The Boss, another of developer DUALHAZE’s projects that seems to defy the odds (and good taste) and continues to be a popular read here at this site1, but I digress.

More Fun With Twins - Screen

Sure, there’s plenty of things in life that are improved by twins. Gum commercials from the 1980s, Arnold Schwarzenegger movies, Crayon Pop, cute pet viral videos, proponents of large families, kids shows (with each twin playing the polar opposite of the other; ha, so easy to mine for comedy gold!2); the list goes on and on. More Fun With Twins does not belong on that list, or in anyone’s game library.

Here’s the setup: a woman named ‘Illiana’ tasks you with matching sets of ‘twins’ cards (i.e. ladies in lingerie) over the course of twenty stages3, supposedly to learn her ‘deepest secrets’. Basically, you flip over cards ad nauseam. Every few rounds, the timer speeds up and another set of cards (and twins, natch!) is added, conceivably to increase the challenge and longevity of this tired exercise. It doesn’t. Even more baffling, the game keeps score, and gives you bonus points for tapping on ‘bonus cards’, which serve zero function and actually cost you the time you waste clicking on them. Baffling.

More Fun With Twins - Screen2

Reach the end, and you get to see Illiana’s milky jugs! That’s not hyperbole or sexual slang of any kind. Suffer through More Fun With Twins and you simply earn an image of two jugs of milk. Seriously. Once again, no joke, no trick. Two jugs of milk. I would have put ‘spoiler alert’ before that big reveal, but the only thing potentially being spoiled here is that digital milk, and your good name. I’ve now saved you from that tragedy and this travesty. You’re welcome.


  1. Which, yes, is a continued contradiction. I absolutely abhor these games and everything they stand for, yet I cover them here, giving them exposure (…hehe, exposure) and me page clicks. So, in actuality, am I just as guilty as these developers? Am I this terrible person lamenting the fall of XBLIG while simultaneously dragging it down further!? Am I the Trojan Horse parked inside my own house!?! Of course… of course… of course… 
  2.  Sarcasm 
  3. Yes, I really played through the entirely of this drivel for you guys. The things I do for the sake of thorough indie journalism! 
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REVIEW: Ghouls N Gals

Ghouls N Gals ($1.00) is a Team Shuriken game, so you’ve probably got a decent handle on what to expect already; suggestively-clothed, two-dimensional women, and a paper-thin, one-dimensional plot. It’s the standard all-text, choose-your-own-adventure stuff you’ve seen before, slathered on top of some nifty visuals / slight animations. And it hasn’t hurt the developer yet, so why fix what isn’t broke1.

Ghouls N Gals - Screen

The job doesn’t pay enough to afford more clothing, however.

This game2 finds our pair of ghoul-hunting heroines exploring a haunted mansion, of sorts, trying to banish a curse / kill zombies / do something or another. It’s not really important. Rather, you pick from a number of highlighted paths in any given room, cross your fingers it’s the ‘right’ choice, and repeat. These choices take you on a tour of the house, winding through several repeated hallways and navigational choices. Eventually you encounter another character, or observe an object in the environment, and a line or two of throwaway exposition is tossed around.

As an additional challenge, Ghouls N Gals does feature ‘combat’, in the form of occasional QTE events placed over static screens of enemies (oh, and a guy eating a cheeseburger, for some odd reason). If you’re not quick enough, or if you press the wrong button, you’ll lose one half of your ‘health’… meaning one of the girls will die. Fail twice, and you’ll restart. There are two checkpoints that you can reach to minimize the amount of rooms you’ll have to replay, but even without that help, you won’t have to work too hard.

Ghouls N Gals - Screen2

Overall, it’s a predictably short journey that meanders to an anti-climatic ‘ending’, which really just makes Ghouls N Gals a glorified teaser to a sequel that may or may not ever exist. The game earns some bonus points for its playful nod towards P.T.— aka Silent Hills— at one point, but there’s really nothing else here that warrants a careful look, or purchase.

Wherever you stand on Team Shuriken and its catalog of ‘adventure games’, Ghouls N Gals is simply just another release from them, with no reason whatsoever to play this version over any of the last half-dozen cleavage-centric releases. The visuals may change from game to game, but the tired, repeating design and the criminally-short playtimes3 are always the same.


  1. It’s rhetorical, hence the absence of the question mark. Team Shuriken knows exactly what they’re doing, and no amount of questioning on my end (or anybody’s end… hmm… end, hehe) is going to give us the answers we’re looking for. Play on, friends, play on. 
  2. A ‘Chapter 1’ of an unknown amount of chapters. Funny thing is, most of Team Shuriken’s stuff starts out with a ‘Chapter 1’, but no additional chapters show up, despite the promises. That’s a pretty spotty track record, so take this whole ‘Chapter 1’ stuff with a healthy dose of skepticism. 
  3. It will literally take you 10 – 15 minutes to ‘finish’. 

REVIEW: RetroBoy V1

Ah, that new console smell!— coming from a faux mobile device invented purely for the sake of shoving yet another XBLIG ‘classics collection’ down our throats, of course, but I digress. Yes, your fancy new RetroBoy V1 ($1.00) system is in fact a Game Boy brother by another mother, and yes, that means you’ll get your interactive fix in two or three splendid shades of puke-covered green. Assuming you dig your games in that color of not-so-awesome sauce.

RetroBoy V1 - Screen

RetroBoy V1 comes in one of six assorted flavors for you to try, including such ‘classics’ as Pong, Snake, and Flappy Bird1. Here, all of them play exactly as you remember, with no new twists or changes of any kind. That kind of renders the whole thing moot from the start, but it does serve as a convenient gathering of games in one place, should you be of the 1% of the gaming population that hasn’t played a version of these ‘classics’ at some point in your life.

While the requisite ‘brick breaker’ and Space Invaders types still have their easy-going, arcade-ish gameplay to fall back on, the rest of the titles somewhat show their age in comparison. Pong is drab-looking and boring against the simpleton AI, while Snake‘s antiquated dot-eater mechanic pales up against the slicker, present-day stuff like qrth-phyl.  Sucking the color out of everything to fit RetroBoy V1‘s forced aesthetic certainly doesn’t help the presentation.

RetroBoy V1 - Screen2

The odd man out in this collection is Adventure, a pseudo-RPG, pseudo-Zelda button-masher that sees you blazing through fights and leveling-up in order to face off against the four ‘bosses’ of each land (don’t get excited; the entire game is three screens long). The look of it is certainly ‘retro’, though the gameplay itself is frenetic and forgettable. You can mow through it in about five minutes.

It’s hard to fathom who the audience for this collection would be. It comes down to basic sense: I’ve played these games before, you’ve played these games before. Hundreds of times. For anyone that hasn’t2, you can find a free flash version of these titles nearly anywhere on the internet. As such, there’s little or no point in even downloading RetroBoy V1. Skip.


  1. Flappy Bird‘s status as a verified ‘classic’ is debatable, but I don’t write the news, kids, I just report it. 
  2. Get out from under your rock; the world can be an exciting place. 

REVIEW: Really Scary

Really Scary ($1.00) is the fourth title (in as many months) from developer Chris Antoni to feature a low-budget horror set and Five Nights At Freddy’s– style jump scares, with the tension created by said scares meant to provide the enjoyment1 and impetus to keep playing. As with any long-running franchise, though, you risk alienating your audience with repeated releases that only fractionally change the core gameplay. Really Scary is thus really familiar, leaving this series (and its idea) running on fumes.

Really Scary - Screen

That depends… we talking about what I did last summer, or did I just leave the toilet seat up again?

This new outing attempts to once again mash together the two play styles of the previous games, asking you to navigate a supposedly haunted house via on-screen control prompts and tackle the usual gameplay of perusing in-house camera feeds in order to ward off your would-be murderers. Your chief antagonists here are bloodied and / or decapitated teddy bears speaking demonic gibberish (good nightmare fuel for your kids!), but the goal of survival and the perks of steady nerves remain the same.

There is some very light puzzle-work to be done as well, mainly in triggering the next ‘event’ or in choosing the correct door, but the real threat comes from watching your attackers inch closer to your safe room. Said intruders are scared off when you turn to face them, with the trade-off of having a limited amount of time to do so. Disappointingly, you should know the drill by now, and even these moments feature the same obligatory quick scares and sound effects found in the other games.

Really Scary - Screen2

Well… bonus points for the old school console love.

It should surprise no one then that Really Scary doesn’t differ much from previous installments (you have to give the people what they want, I guess), though it does offer up some of the smoothest camera transitions and pseudo-FMV so far2. That increased fidelity comes at a cost, however, as this game is also on the shorter end of playtime. It took me about 25 minutes to reach the conclusion, even allowing for a few mistakes in-between.

Brevity aside, there’s not much here that’s new or fresh enough to warrant another purchase, and the recycled bits have lost their edge. I hate to pull out this old gem of a saying, but if you’ve played one of the games from this collection, you’ve really played them all. Granted, there’s been some decent scares along the way, but let’s hope this series now takes a very long hiatus3.


  1. If you’re into that sort of thing, of course. 
  2. No choppy frames – motion sickness = yay! 
  3. At least until next Halloween, please. 

REVIEW: Zombie Hunter IV

Ahem. [clears throat] Ah… ahem. Where to begin? Well, Zombie Hunter IV ($1.00) here is a zombie zombie zombie. It’s got zombie zombie and more zombies. It’s a first-person zombie with an assortment of zombified zombies to zombie from. You zombie zombie around the map, and zombie other zombies. Those zombies try to zombie you, and it’s up to zombie you to out-zombie them and zombie the day! You zombie what I’m saying, zombie?

Zombie Hunter IV - Screen

I’m aware that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but I’ve literally run out of interesting openers to lead into yet another zombie game on XBLIG. Zombie Hunter IV1 doesn’t do much to inspire a unique take on the genre anyway; it’s a bare-bones FPS with only the slightest of visuals and gameplay. As the game’s namesake— a zombie hunter extraordinaire— you’ve been traveling the lands, purging every town of the undead. You’ve finally reached the last city on your tour of death, which promises to be your greatest challenge yet(!).

Sort of. Zombie Hunter IV asks you to mow down hordes of regenerating zombies that come at you in snarling packs of one or even two, collecting dynamite that drops as a powerup in their wake in order to blow up five buildings that are the supposed ‘source’ of the infection. You also earn plenty of money with each kill, which you can then use to snag a few new weapons (think shotgun, assault rifle) and some health packs at the local store, but this is the extent of the game’s progression and forward-thinking.

Zombie Hunter IV - Screen2

The rest of the experience is a boring struggle with the near-comatose zombie A.I., which only really wants to react to you once you’re a few feet away. In fact, the only challenge here is manufactured, as you can occasionally get stuck in place when you’re attacked, leading to a quick death. The game’s generous with its continues, however, allowing you to jump right back into things after parting with a modest amount of cash.

Not that there’s any reason to bother with Zombie Hunter IV in the first place. It’s a lazy, oversimplified shooter that’ll last you twenty minutes at most. The whole thing is as dull as ditchwater2 from start to finish in that span, with nary a redemptive quality in sight. You should probably avoid it like an actual zombie plague.


  1. I’m not sure where the ‘IV’ factors in, as I can find both the original Zombie Hunter and a 2D sequel, but no third act. Maybe Part Four here cannibalized the third game, I don’t know. Hey, at least it’s not a slightly racist game like the developer’s last effort. 
  2. Or, if you prefer the Americanized variant, ‘dull as dishwater’. How’s that for Old English putdowns! Take that, all you people from the 1700s!