Tag Archives: Snow-Capped Studios (Developer)

REVIEW: Sexy Flight

Of all the undesirable scenarios that have occurred due to Flappy Bird‘s existence as a thing1, the worst has to be the multitude of clones, knock-offs, and cheap imitations that the oft-maligned game has spawned. The better versions have expanded on the original idea and / or introduced new mechanics, while the most egregious copycats have used the Flappy Bird formula simply to advance their own nightmare of a concept, or worse, just to make an extra buck and do nothing different at all. XBLIG had its own influx of games looking to capitalize on the idea way back when, and now, in this wondrous, technologically-advanced civilized world of ours, in the year 2016, it doesn’t seem to be over yet. Cue Sexy Flight ($1.00).

Sexy Flight isn’t bad as a Flappy Bird clone, but it’s absolutely unnecessary and more than a little shitty for pushing skin over content. Not that you’d even know what kind of game Sexy Flight is, as the game’s lone screenshot (see above, and below) doesn’t give away much beyond the promise of not-even-nearly-nudity2, and the description mentions only a vague idea of flight. Then again, Snow-Capped Studios loves a good bait-and-switch (cough cough) something something awful awful Snowfall.

Sexy Flight - Screen... again

Something very familiar about this image, like I’ve seen it before.

Much like that game, the girls are meant to be the main attraction. Here, they cycle through as backgrounds as you fap—, sorry, flap away, and your high score is saved for the duration of your play session. You can watch the always-reliable Splazer suffer through the trial in five and ten second increments if you’re really that curious and / or never heard of Flappy Bird.

Which brings us back around to the central point of living in 2016 and still having to do this. What good can be said about Sexy Flight? Well, it’s just a passable Flappy Bird, and at least it’s not Snowfall. That’s not saying much, but it’s all I’ve got, with literally nothing else to redeem it. So save your money, friends. And your dignity. It is 2016, and we should all know better.

  1. For the record, I don’t mind Flappy Bird (or some of its clones). It’s a (potentially) addictive time-waster, a decent distraction when you have a few minutes… or hours. 
  2. Seriously, google ‘sexy flight’. You might find a listing for this review3, but you’re also going to find much more sexier flights than this one. Just make sure to lock your door first. 
  3. The site’s also under ‘tree masturbation’, if you’re so inclined. The strange things I’ve tagged in a post for the sake of XBLIG. 

REVIEW: Snowfall

Though the weather outside is frightful, the bikini-clad anime girls inside are so delightful. Or so hopes developer Snow-Capped Studios. Snowfall ($1.00) is more ridiculously-deceptive yet eerily-effective marketing at its very best. With a cover choice that features two girls embracing each other in merry holiday attire, you’ve really set yourself and your product up for two things— a ribbing review from yours truly, and a thousand trial downloads from curious teenagers.

Snowfall - Screen

Oh, I’m ‘pressing Start’ as hard as I can.

Start with the screenshots, heavy on implied lesbianism and completely absent of representative gameplay (the ‘Press Start’ screen does not count). You know, that ‘thing’ that makes your product interactive, a videogame on a videogame console, and you, a videogame developer. Not that the ‘gameplay’ is anything remotely interesting after you strip away the girls. Imagine the worst flash game you’ve ever played. Have you got the image in mind? Good, now then, slap yourself across the face. Harder. If the pain hurts you somewhere deep in your videogame soul, you’re now all set to play Snowfall.

Playing as the buxom ‘Jessica’ in the illest-fitting Santa costume she owns, your goal is to slide the avatar from side to side (no walking animations here) or jump in the air, capturing grapes and avoiding the clothes that fall from the sky, because, um, yeah. I shit you not, this is the anti-genius of Snowfall. Worse yet, there’s hardly any way to avoid the falling clothes for any extended length of time, as Jessica’s static stance is not conductive to dodging anything but good gameplay.

Snowfall - Screen2

She’s just cleaning snow off of her friend’s lip. Because she cares.

There is no strategy or varying degrees of difficulty present, no change in objectives, backgrounds, or assets, no highscore keeping. You either restart to go again (Do not want!), or return to the menu. Or you can play it in four-player local co-op, which I’m assuming would tear apart the very fabric of our universe should anyone attempt it.

Snowfall’s only redemptive quality is its menu music, which turns into a rather thumping techno track… by which you can write a disparaging review of the rest of the game. Minus Snow-Capped Studios reaching into your wallet to steal some holiday cash, there’s no reason for Snowfall to exist. Even in a market that begs for stuff like this, with developers more than willing to oblige, Snowfall is just… just so goddamn terrible.