Tag Archives: I’d rather play E.T.— and that’s saying something

REVIEW: Logan’s Treasure

If you read this site on a semi-regular basis, you might recall the partial compliment1 I paid to 3T Games on their ability to release games quickly. I say partial, because in that same breath, I chastised those games for a lack of creativity and phoned-in design. Now, I’d like to rescind every bit of that compliment entirely, as Logan’s Treasure ($1.00) is further proof that the developer needs a lengthy ‘time out’ from releasing uninspired platformers.

Logan's Treasure - Screen

Honestly, who uses their menu as a promotional screen? 

Forget for a moment that the developer has used (and re-used, and re-used again) the same characters, enemies, and vague art in previously-released games2, and just judge Logan’s Treasure for what it does (or doesn’t do) all on its own. A platformer with Atari-era graphics, the game asks you to retrieve forty keys from a series of inter-connected rooms. The ceilings, floors, and sides of any given screen lead to another, with platforms and ladders (climbing a ladder in this game is one of the most awkward non-animations I’ve ever seen. Want to climb down a ladder? Forget it.  Not possible.) allowing you to reach new perches and previously-inaccessible areas.

With no means of combat, enemies in Logan’s Treasure are in the ‘strictly avoid’ category, with one touch equating to instant death. You’re given only a handful of lives to achieve your objective, but most of your foes follow easily-recognizable routes and patterns. Save for some tight corridors (which really aren’t, since you can jump through floors) and temporary platforms that ‘melt away’ when you stand on them, it’s all very basic and repetitive.

Logan's Treasure - Screen2

Having one screenshot of gameplay is never a good sign.

It also doesn’t help that the game has some of the worst sound effects ever conceived; the loud, grating kind that occurs each and every time your character takes a single goddamn step or jump. Their inclusion is beyond baffling and potentially trolling, especially since you have the option to turn them off at any time. And you should, you really should. Of course, you’ll be playing in silence after that (there’s no soundtrack), but that silence is golden compared to the mind-numbing noise you get by default.

Faced with bland platforming, terrible sound effects, and reused game assets, I’d rather dig up a moldy E.T. cartridge— and replace it with this game3— than suffer through the rest of Logan’s Treasure to find out what’s in the chest after finding all the keys. Unless it’s my dollar plus tax being given back to me (with a sincere apology), I want no part of this dreadful wreck.


  1. See the beginning of the Legend of Max review for that. 
  2. See The Blaggers or Lazy Caverns for that. 
  3. Being a digital game, I suppose I’d have to bury my Xbox 360 in the New Mexico desert then. Didn’t think that one through, did I? 
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