Tag Archives: gentle introduction to hentai

REVIEW: Sexy Flight

Of all the undesirable scenarios that have occurred due to Flappy Bird‘s existence as a thing1, the worst has to be the multitude of clones, knock-offs, and cheap imitations that the oft-maligned game has spawned. The better versions have expanded on the original idea and / or introduced new mechanics, while the most egregious copycats have used the Flappy Bird formula simply to advance their own nightmare of a concept, or worse, just to make an extra buck and do nothing different at all. XBLIG had its own influx of games looking to capitalize on the idea way back when, and now, in this wondrous, technologically-advanced civilized world of ours, in the year 2016, it doesn’t seem to be over yet. Cue Sexy Flight ($1.00).

Sexy Flight isn’t bad as a Flappy Bird clone, but it’s absolutely unnecessary and more than a little shitty for pushing skin over content. Not that you’d even know what kind of game Sexy Flight is, as the game’s lone screenshot (see above, and below) doesn’t give away much beyond the promise of not-even-nearly-nudity2, and the description mentions only a vague idea of flight. Then again, Snow-Capped Studios loves a good bait-and-switch (cough cough) something something awful awful Snowfall.

Sexy Flight - Screen... again

Something very familiar about this image, like I’ve seen it before.

Much like that game, the girls are meant to be the main attraction. Here, they cycle through as backgrounds as you fap—, sorry, flap away, and your high score is saved for the duration of your play session. You can watch the always-reliable Splazer suffer through the trial in five and ten second increments if you’re really that curious and / or never heard of Flappy Bird.

Which brings us back around to the central point of living in 2016 and still having to do this. What good can be said about Sexy Flight? Well, it’s just a passable Flappy Bird, and at least it’s not Snowfall. That’s not saying much, but it’s all I’ve got, with literally nothing else to redeem it. So save your money, friends. And your dignity. It is 2016, and we should all know better.


  1. For the record, I don’t mind Flappy Bird (or some of its clones). It’s a (potentially) addictive time-waster, a decent distraction when you have a few minutes… or hours. 
  2. Seriously, google ‘sexy flight’. You might find a listing for this review3, but you’re also going to find much more sexier flights than this one. Just make sure to lock your door first. 
  3. The site’s also under ‘tree masturbation’, if you’re so inclined. The strange things I’ve tagged in a post for the sake of XBLIG. 
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REVIEW: Uncraft’Em All

A wise (and probably horny) man once said, ‘If it ain’t broke, why cover those girls up?’1 A sage observation and excellent advice, to be sure, and one that Uncraft’Em All ($1.00) is still keen on following (it works just fine for the internet). This game doesn’t bring much of anything new to the Uncraft Me series, but something tells me its target audience isn’t too particular regarding new content or extensive gameplay innovations, so long as the girls are included.

Uncraft'Em All - Screen

Ugh, don’t remind me of that game.

Not that the series needs any drastic changes to be successful. Its brand of punisher-platforming, which sees a small, square lad (and a jetpack with limited fuel) jumping and flying through dozens of lava-lined hallways and other hazards, functions well enough. Of course, it’s intentions are to kill you hundreds of times over and tease you with the promise of girls and above-average breast sizes, but the controls and the design are generally well-done.

Uncraft’Em All is no exception to the rule. It contains an impressive-sounding 24 stages, all of which will need to be carefully navigated by you in order to ‘rescue’ a fair maiden held captive at the end of the run. They’re split between four difficulty settings that range from easy to OMG F-UUUUU! hard, and you can tackle them in any order that you choose. However, all of these levels are shorter than the ones featured in previous games (no checkpoints needed), and the girls (the true focal point and your reason for being here, natch) are a ‘sloppy seconds’ of sorts, having all appeared in previous games from developer Team Shuriken’s skintastic oeuvre.

Uncraft'Em All - Screen2

You hear that? That’s the audible, disappointed sigh of a thousand young men who were hoping for an all-new set of women to ‘uncraft’. Life is full of disappointments. Still, while the ladies may have not changed, the levels themselves do provide the requisite amounts of challenge and frustration2 (the profanity-laden vocal track that accompanies each of your failures is still as applicable as ever) the punisher genre is known for.

That said, Uncraft’Em All is like any other Uncraft Me! game you’ve played before, just more of it. That’s not a bad thing, especially if you enjoyed the first two titles, but that also means it’s a retread. And with a new game, Uncraft World, coming to Steam in 2015, this one feels more like a masturbatory… ahem, celebratory— victory lap around XBLIG, thanking its feverish fans for their support, an appetizer to a main dish that will be served elsewhere.


  1. Damn, that’s a terrible joke. Sounds a lot like my previous Uncraft Me! motto, too: ‘If the breasts ain’t broke, don’t fix them!’ I really need to come up with new material. 
  2. To Hell with those timed laser traps, I say. To Hell! 

REVIEW: Venus Explorer

Normally, now’s about the time in the program where I go on and on about boob games and the fall of Indie civilization,  but I suppose there’s no need to be so dire or rehash the past. Team Shuriken‘s oeurve is well-known already. It’s long and varied and full of tits. Venus Explorer ($1.00) continues that chesty trend without shame, this time out combining the animation work and the choose your own adventure-style graphic novella format with some interactive bits that you can actually control.

Venus Explorer - Screen

See that arcade cabinet? Press ‘A’ when you get there.

Venus Explorer‘s story is based in humorous sci-fi: one man with the fate of the Earth in his hands, aliens and spaceships and sidekicks and all that stuff. It’s the typical ‘Shuriken’ plot (read: an excuse to show some lovely ladies),  albeit slightly meta. The game starts with a kid in the 1980s, heading home to play a game on floppy disk called… you guessed it, Venus Explorer. So you’re playing a game about a game within a game. Whoa. Enjoy that moment while you can, since you’ll never see or hear about it again1.

Once you’re ‘in game’, it’s all familiar ground. As you advance, you’re usually presented with a series of choices— forks in the road, where to hide, how to attack, etc.. These lead you to short snippets of animation, success or failure, as you carry out the move. While it’s still trial-and-error on which option you should choose in any given situation, there are a trio of checkpoints that should keep your frustration and replays to a minimum.

Venus Explorer - Screen2

The game introduces a new gameplay wrinkle in the form of some simple platforming, allowing you to control the character in very short flight segments, like piloting a jetpack past very large floating heads(!), or in a ship making your escape. But don’t worry, Team Shuriken knows what you came for, and gives you a handful of ladies to ogle between your various ‘flights’ and navigational choices.

Not that you’ll need to set aside a huge amount of time to see it all. A half-hour of clicking through / guesswork, and you’ll arrive at the all-but-guaranteed setup for the sequel (er… an invitation to propagate the human race). I’ve said that Shuriken’s text adventure games have been approaching decent for some time, but Venus Explorer‘s brevity and hit-or-miss adventuring take that goodwill back a step. Even so, some of us can still appreciate the animation work and the effort. The rest will appreciate the boobs.

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Review on Indie Gamer Chick


  1. Save for the first instance you encounter one of the ladies, when you’ll flashback to the kid at his desk going full-horndog. Team Shuriken knows its audience well. 

REVIEW: Uncraft Me 2

Tits on the box. Whatever else you want to add, fine, but, tits prominently displayed on the box.’ This has to be Team Shuriken’s only suggestion at the meeting when coming up with the box art for its games. Not that I’ve got a better route. It’s lewd shrewd business sense. If the breasts ain’t broke, don’t fix them. I’m taking liberties with a popular expression, yes, but it’s certainly the developer’s mantra. Uncraft Me 2 ($2.99) picks up right where the original left off

Uncraft Me - Screen

…somewhere between art and hentai, between a ridiculous premise but competent level design, continuing in ‘crafting’ its own successful brand of striptease platforming. The girls are Space Idols this time, leaving behind the princesses and kittens (!) that were patched into the first game (…you know, a lesser man would make a bad joke like ‘Now that’s a good-looking pussy right there!’. Glad I’m above such humor).

The game itself (or the ‘bonus content’ that comes with the girls, to some) is a solid platformer that continues to improve and evolve. Minus the copious skin, it’s good enough to stand on its own, and your jetpacking avatar is more than competent at navigating the timing-based perils. Each stage once again splits its hazards evenly, with manageable chickpoints (checkpoints) placed to soften the more difficult runs. New obstacles, like shooting air vents and areas of unlimited rocket fuel, give some new wrinkles to the gameplay, along with returning death-bringers like hot lava and timed laser traps, those consistent bastards.

Saving you from lacing the air with a string of increasingly-obscure and homemade profanity (a typical play session)Uncraft Me 2 has generously provided the swearing for you, sprinkling in a ‘Fuck!’ or some other colorful turn of phrase whenever you die. And you will die, as the sequel carries on the tradition of ending your life repeatedly as you jetpack, swerve, and claw your way to the top of each stage in search of that elusive, softcore bondage, almost-but-not-quite-nude Space Idol.

Uncraft Me - Screen2

One of the few screenshots without any skin— Wait, nevermind, crotch in the background.

In fact, besides the famously-hard (..heh heh) difficulty coming back with a vengeance in the later levels (the last two, in particular, will frustrate you needlessly), the only other thing that would really give me pause in recommending Uncraft Me 2 to any lonely, horny soul with a controller would be the higher cost of the sequel. At three dollars, and with the once again boob-centric hook, it’s far too light on legit content for anyone to pay that much for sex.

REVIEW: Labyrinth X

Here we go again. It’s no big mystery that Team Shuriken has been getting moderately to filthy rich on the teenage libido for quite some time. Well, I assume they’re making loadsamoney. Labyrinth X (80 MSP) is just the latest in the long line of probably a dozen or so similar ‘games’, and they’ve already made five bucks off me. Ask anybody; the business of boobs is a sure bet, and it’s why Al Gore created the Internet.

Labyrinth X - Screen

Look closely and you can see my dignity chained up next to her.

Labyrinth X plays like past Shuriken games (choose a path, guesswork ‘puzzles’, breasts, repeat), though its style this time around is a combination of the usual softcore bondage scenes (see above) and actual animation, chiefly as punishment for bad decisions, though the environments do feature some flair in motion if you stop to take notice.

And the gory scenes of your pixelized demise are the best part of the game, equating to ‘fatalities’, Mortal Kombat if it was done in Microsoft Paint-style. It’s comical, having your head punched clean-off or split open by a laser, and fun to purposely aim for, not that you’ll need to. With no let up in the number of ways you can fail (‘inane puzzles’ are a constant) you should get a chance to witness all the ways to die anyway.

I do give credit to the developer for putting in a little more work on Labyrinth X; the substance in the content, the chance to pick up ‘items’ or make an occasional selection that alters the playing field, albeit briefly. A few of the sequences vaguely reminded me of Shadowgate (NES-era), in that sort of ‘Should I do this?’, Curiosity Killed the Cat kind of way, but it’s still a coin toss so far as what will happen to you.

Labyrinth X - Screen2

Hey, honest mistake. We’ve all been there after a long night of drinking.

‘Combat’ remains as baffling as ever. Why would I punch a group of bats, but kick a spider? Why wouldn’t the opposite work? What determines success and failure? Size, height off the ground at that exact moment, their place on the food chain? Where in the human manual of self-defense does it say that such attacks are and aren’t allowed? I’ll save you the Google research; it doesn’t, making this continued trial-and-error apathy towards logic all the more irritating…

…but short-lived. Even accounting for the game’s slightly-less linear path, slightly-more complex ‘solutions’, and the inevitable retries from checkpoints, you should finish in a half-hour with plenty of buyer’s remorse. Still, if you’re keeping score at home, I would place Labyrinth X ahead of both Ninja Priestess and the awful, turd sequel to Temple of Dogolrak. I don’t recommend any of the three, ultimately, but that Labyrinth X came close to changing my mind and ranks tops among its own internal competition has to count for something.

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Bonus! Save your MSP, or just get a laugh out watching The Indie Ocean’s Alan navigate Labyrinth X in his multi-part series.