Tag Archives: Awesome Enterprises (Developer)

REVIEW: Massive Cleavage Vs. Zombies

Massive Cleavage Vs. Zombies ($1.00)… I have to admit, I had a good chuckle at that one1. Coming from Awesome Enterprises, they of Lifeguard and Flappy Monkey fame, among others, I didn’t have particularly high expectations. You’ve got the title to start, the requisite pandering to a younger ground, the all-too-typical zombie fodder; all the familiar elements of a cash-in. It’s certain to find some kind of audience regardless of anyone’s blessing.

The game stars a blonde with massive cleavage2 and some fairly-decent ‘meat cleaver skills’ as well, on a mission to score some rare and tasty BBQ sauce3 during the zombie apocalypse. This plays out over 20+ same-ish levels, with her slicing up the undead and the living alike, anything and anyone that gets in her way. MC Vs. Z doesn’t shy away from its gratuitous violence, either, tossing in plenty of zombified children and dogs. Cute.

Gameplay is the simple arcade stuff, moving back and forth on various, single-screen ‘cityscape’ backgrouds. Enemies come at you in extended waves of so-so quasi-animation, with success coming only after you’ve survived a set amount of time. You’ve got two attacks at your disposal, a high and low swing, corresponding to the ‘height’ of the enemy that’s attacking you at that moment. That’s the extent of the game’s strategy, really, but as the pace and length of each stage increases, things do start to get busy.

It’s nothing spectacular to play, though it is buoyed somewhat by the crazy dialogue / premise, one that places our heroine(?) in one over-the-top, ridiculous situation after another. The hack n’ slash arcade levels are mixed together with these short, static cutscenes that occasionally delve into QTE, asking you to hit the right button on a timer to continue on. The cutscenes and the story itself ranges from slightly humorous to slightly-more racist to incredibly gory, liberally splashing blood and stereotypes everywhere.

Massive Cleavage Vs. Zombies - Screen

Makes The Walking Dead look tame. Also, bewbs.

All that gore might almost make you forget it’s incredibly repetitive too, though it’s serviceable, for what it’s worth. Beating the game (roughly an hour) unlocks a New Game+ of sorts, sending you through the whole thing again with sped-up QTEs / enemy attack rates, and quicker combat animations of your own. One could argue this should have been the default mode.

Something tells me no one is coming into this looking for stellar gameplay or a New Game+ of any kind, though. Yet if you can get past the massive cleavage in Massive Cleavage Vs. Zombies, you’ll find a simple concept that does just enough with its insanity, with some added challenge during your (theoretical) second time through.

  1. Hey, at least it’s truth in advertising. 
  2. Nope, no strong female lead here, I’m afraid. 
  3. No, I’m not joking. Then again, it’s supposedly the greatest BBQ sauce ever conceived. Sometimes, it’s a risk worth taking. 

REVIEW: Flappy Monkey

Were you compiling a checklist of things to include in your forthcoming indie release, the list for Flappy Monkey ($1.00) would read entirely like a game’s postmortem for ‘What not to do’, unlimited (facepalm)1 included. Release a Flappy Bird clone months after the fact, and when so many other better (and free) versions exist? Check! A terrible impersonation of the original’s gameplay? Check! The bare minimum of animation and art? Check! The ability to shit on everything you see as you flap past? Resounding check!

Flappy Monkey - Screen

That’s right. Developer Awesome Enterprises‘ whole big ‘It’s like Flappy Bird, but different’ bit is the chance to take a dump on teachers with chalkboards, birds, and banana-wielding vegetarians. Because… I don’t know. Because juvenile humor is all we’ve got left, dammit! Because shitting, that’s funny2, right!? For your sake, you better hope so, as minus the copious cornucopia of defecation present here, Flappy Monkey does nothing else worthwhile.

The typical scenario applies— you flap your arms (or rather, your monkey jerks up awkwardly), flying through obstacles, avoiding crocodiles that lie in wait mid-snap, protruding from the top and bottom of the screen. You use that momentum to navigate through the level, collecting bananas and, um… shitting on people to improve your high score. And that’s it. What, you wanted more?

Flappy Monkey - Screen2

Well, you’re not going to get it. Sure, you can buy into the game to save your high scores, but I can’t think of a single reason or scenario that you would be proud to show off your achievements in Flappy Monkey. The shoddy setup, the over-reliance on shitty humor, and the total lack of variety doom it from the start.

If you’re one of the three people left on Earth that somehow haven’t played a version of Flappy Bird by now, you probably have no interest in it, and you have nothing to worry about. Though if you are interested, you could do infinitely better than playing Flappy Monkey. It’s less of a game, and more of a metaphor for shitting on indie gaming in general.

  1. Set phasers to Picard facepalm
  2. Hell yeah!… If you’re like… seven. Even then, some seven-year-olds would be offended that I think they’d laugh at a shitting monkey. This is like 50% of Adam Sandler’s comedic catalog, so that should tell you all you need to know.