Doubtless we’ve all had our fill of zombies in one form of media or another1. Not enough to go ‘cold turkey’ and disavow them altogether, mind you, but enough to start turning away the newcomers that are (very) late to the party. From the developer of all those ‘creepy, plastic-looking women set on a mysterious island‘ games, Zombie Purge ($1.00) falls into that unfortunate category.
Stop me if you’ve heard this premise before; a twin-stick shooter where you take down a horde of bloodthirsty zombies in a wave-based format, the difficulty and enemy numbers increasing as you— oww, what was… okay, okaaaay, you’ve heard it before. And, as cut-and-paste as that gameplay already is, Zombie Purge commits the further deadly sin of doing absolutely nothing new with the idea, beyond dragging its set of plastic characters into the mix.
Each game starts off with two walls of sandbagged ‘defenses’, which amounts to your objective. Survive the wave, and prevent them from completely destroying your barricades. Failing to do either will result in a ‘game over’. You have limited ammo, but can pick up more in-wave, and as a bonus for scoring the highest in that round. Explosive barrels? Check! It does allow local co-op for up to four, too, but the odds of anyone wrangling enough controllers and gullible players to pull that feat off would be pretty rare.
Gratuitous crotch and ass shots of the female characters? You bet.
You’d get the feeling I’m unnecessarily dumping on the game, but I assure you it is that underwhelming. Sure, the usual ‘indie’ problems surface; the animation is stiff (…um, eh, no pun intended), the solitary arena gets old fast— as does the gameplay— but there’s nothing mechanically ‘wrong’ the game. To its credit, it works as advertised.
There’s just no reason to waste your time here when so many other alternatives exist. Alternatives that are better built, and give you more things to do than mindlessly shoot or ogle at a few pics. Zombie Purge is just that; too little, too late to the table, too simple-minded and too dull to offer up even a modicum of fun.
- So much, in fact, that I know I’ve used that line before. Seriously, I’m running out of ways to say it! Developers, please, ‘Enough with the zombie games, dammit!’ ↩