REVIEW: Date The Boss

Just when I was in the midst of convincing myself that ‘skin’ games on XBLIG had turned a corner and were approaching something of an acceptable genre (not really, but it sounds better in that phrasing), Date The Boss ($1.00) comes along to reaffirm my disdain for cheap, poorly-executed ‘games’ that last fifteen minutes and prey on the teenage libido. Even calling it a game is being generous, as Date The Boss is a glorfied slut slot machine.

Date the Boss - Screen

The gist of it is, you’re a unemployed lad living with an overbearing mother. You’ve managed to snag an interview at a fancy place called Beaumont Industries, and you’re essentially forced out of your home until you’ve gotten the job. Hilariously (the game insists it is, not me) enough, job interviews in Date The Boss go nothing like they do in real life. Given that you’ll be visiting strip clubs in pursuit of this ‘position’, one could argue this path to employment beats any real life job-seeking grind, but I digress.

Date The Boss is a handful of ‘acquire / purchase said item’ missions. Much like in the real world, this requires money, which you earn by gambling at the local casino. Naturally, this is all much duller than it sounds, as it essentially boils down to you continuously pulling the lever of a slot machine to potentially earn bigger paydays. Given the randomness of ‘jackpots’, you’ll probably burn through your winnings just as quickly, turning the game’s ridiculous monetary demands ($500 for a ‘massage’, so I can zoom in on a girl’s ass to read a tattoo with a combination to a safe1, one that will let me rob the innocent gal at the gift shop next door?) into tedious time-wasters.

Date the Boss - Screen2

All of this is bookended by the ‘job interview’ itself, an equally-boring general knowledge / esoteric questionnaire to ‘impress’ your potential boss. With the exception of the last question in each sequence, which is timed, you can take as long as you’d like to answer the rest (know some basic math, and keep Google handy). You’re given three chances to pass these ‘tests’, with the punishment being you’ll have to start over from the beginning.

Other than that, there is little else to Date the Boss. You can find random coins in the environment, or play Rock-Paper-Scissors with a bikini-clad girl residing in the lake by your home (which is honestly the best part of this whole travesty). If mindlessly playing the digital slot machines sounds like fun to you, you’re welcome to it. For everyone else— 99% of us, I hope— avoid.


  1. And if you’re here searching for that combination… you won’t get it from me! Pay for that $500 massage yourself! Persistence, lads! 
Advertisements

12 thoughts on “REVIEW: Date The Boss”

    1. Ah, yes, the foot fetishists need their own game, too, dammit! And when they do, XBLIG will have officially transformed into its unofficial branding of softcore porn. 😀

  1. “Body of the article”
    Bad Tim. Pun hurt Saansilt.

    Anyway, been a while since seeing one of these.
    As for real life, I think I always manage to automatically fill the Fail-o-Meter. Le sigh.

    Also would you like to know about the organization known as F.R.E.E.D.O.M. of which I am the current leader?

    1. Bad puns are the lifeblood of this site, and me!

      Also, how can you be the leader of a group called ‘F.R.E.E.D.O.M.’? Wouldn’t that mean no one is actually ‘free’ except you, since you don’t take orders from yourself? 😀

    2. Well it’s a bit of a long story.
      F.R.E.E.D.O.M. Stands for:

      Friends of
      Redheads
      Engaging
      Extinction
      Defintively
      Obliterating it
      Meticuosly

      Because in the future, an evil alien race nearly enslaves humanity and the resistance that stops them is lead by a redhead woman. So the aliens are trying to send Assassins back in time to eliminate all redheads here and now so that she does not exsist.

      F.R.E.E.D.O.M. is a Gi Joe-Esque organization dedicated to preventing that. We are ongoing in our efforts to keep Humanity safe.

  2. And then the stripper told me “dont ask for service you can’t pay, because that gorilla at the entrance will send you out flying like an Angry Bird”. Now, do that time of pleasure deserve that beating afterward? Imagine an indie developer making an amazing game on XBLIG, he is proud of his job and happy because his friends and testers praise the game then he get a mental beating because the game does not sell. I critize this tipe of game (boob games) in the past, I still do, but I understand them now. If boobs pay your family’s food and the entrance of a strip club but that amazing game only pay your jailbait for checking out your redhead neighborg, what will you choose? Is sad that the service goes down with this kind of fame, but why make an effors if the gamers does not apreciate the good games. You can’s just look at the nipple, sometimes you have to see the boob as a whole.

    1. I understand these games better now than I did when I first started reviewing them, so I can agree with their existence. People have to eat / make money. I just wish developers would do more with it than simply pass it off as quality work when it’s anything but. Take away the boring, boring slot machine and its random payouts, and you’re left with about ten minutes of actual ‘game’. Those ten minutes? Just as boring as the slot machine stuff. This game is a bad idea from beginning to end.

      Once again, developers should take your sage advice— Stop seeing just the nipple; see the boob as a whole. 😀

  3. Hm, I’m not sure, but there’s something missing here. Oh, got it, it’s the footnotes. Is it because you dislike the game so much you think it’s not even worth a single one of your beloved footnotes?

    1. Absolutely! Well, actually, the only footnote was going to be that ‘$500 Massage’ bit, but I felt it worked better to illustrate the game’s absurdity in the body of the article. 🙂

The Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s