REVIEW: Massive Cleavage Vs. Zombies

Massive Cleavage Vs. Zombies ($1.00)… I have to admit, I had a good chuckle at that one1. Coming from Awesome Enterprises, they of Lifeguard and Flappy Monkey fame, among others, I didn’t have particularly high expectations. You’ve got the title to start, the requisite pandering to a younger ground, the all-too-typical zombie fodder; all the familiar elements of a cash-in. It’s certain to find some kind of audience regardless of anyone’s blessing.

The game stars a blonde with massive cleavage2 and some fairly-decent ‘meat cleaver skills’ as well, on a mission to score some rare and tasty BBQ sauce3 during the zombie apocalypse. This plays out over 20+ same-ish levels, with her slicing up the undead and the living alike, anything and anyone that gets in her way. MC Vs. Z doesn’t shy away from its gratuitous violence, either, tossing in plenty of zombified children and dogs. Cute.

Gameplay is the simple arcade stuff, moving back and forth on various, single-screen ‘cityscape’ backgrouds. Enemies come at you in extended waves of so-so quasi-animation, with success coming only after you’ve survived a set amount of time. You’ve got two attacks at your disposal, a high and low swing, corresponding to the ‘height’ of the enemy that’s attacking you at that moment. That’s the extent of the game’s strategy, really, but as the pace and length of each stage increases, things do start to get busy.

It’s nothing spectacular to play, though it is buoyed somewhat by the crazy dialogue / premise, one that places our heroine(?) in one over-the-top, ridiculous situation after another. The hack n’ slash arcade levels are mixed together with these short, static cutscenes that occasionally delve into QTE, asking you to hit the right button on a timer to continue on. The cutscenes and the story itself ranges from slightly humorous to slightly-more racist to incredibly gory, liberally splashing blood and stereotypes everywhere.

Massive Cleavage Vs. Zombies - Screen

Makes The Walking Dead look tame. Also, bewbs.

All that gore might almost make you forget it’s incredibly repetitive too, though it’s serviceable, for what it’s worth. Beating the game (roughly an hour) unlocks a New Game+ of sorts, sending you through the whole thing again with sped-up QTEs / enemy attack rates, and quicker combat animations of your own. One could argue this should have been the default mode.

Something tells me no one is coming into this looking for stellar gameplay or a New Game+ of any kind, though. Yet if you can get past the massive cleavage in Massive Cleavage Vs. Zombies, you’ll find a simple concept that does just enough with its insanity, with some added challenge during your (theoretical) second time through.

  1. Hey, at least it’s truth in advertising. 
  2. Nope, no strong female lead here, I’m afraid. 
  3. No, I’m not joking. Then again, it’s supposedly the greatest BBQ sauce ever conceived. Sometimes, it’s a risk worth taking. 

9 thoughts on “REVIEW: Massive Cleavage Vs. Zombies”

    1. Ha! Thanks for that. I guess I should’ve figured they’d do this one. I’m with him in saying the sometimes-interactive cutscenes are certainly the ‘best part’ of the game. The gameplay gets dull and repetitive, save for the increased difficulty you unlock. That actually requires a little more thought.

    1. Eh, I’d hesitate to say positive. More like lukewarm. It’s repetitive, but at the end, when I asked myself if I had fun… I guess I kinda did. That’s not really a recommendation, just more like me saying ‘you could do worse’. 🙂

    2. Eh, you serve lukewarm cleavage at your parties? That’s your problem right there. It’s got to be warm and fresh cleavage; that’s what brings all the boys to the yard. Er, party.

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