Were you compiling a checklist of things to include in your forthcoming indie release, the list for Flappy Monkey ($1.00) would read entirely like a game’s postmortem for ‘What not to do’, unlimited (facepalm)1 included. Release a Flappy Bird clone months after the fact, and when so many other better (and free) versions exist? Check! A terrible impersonation of the original’s gameplay? Check! The bare minimum of animation and art? Check! The ability to shit on everything you see as you flap past? Resounding check!
That’s right. Developer Awesome Enterprises‘ whole big ‘It’s like Flappy Bird, but different’ bit is the chance to take a dump on teachers with chalkboards, birds, and banana-wielding vegetarians. Because… I don’t know. Because juvenile humor is all we’ve got left, dammit! Because shitting, that’s funny2, right!? For your sake, you better hope so, as minus the copious cornucopia of defecation present here, Flappy Monkey does nothing else worthwhile.
The typical scenario applies— you flap your arms (or rather, your monkey jerks up awkwardly), flying through obstacles, avoiding crocodiles that lie in wait mid-snap, protruding from the top and bottom of the screen. You use that momentum to navigate through the level, collecting bananas and, um… shitting on people to improve your high score. And that’s it. What, you wanted more?
Well, you’re not going to get it. Sure, you can buy into the game to save your high scores, but I can’t think of a single reason or scenario that you would be proud to show off your achievements in Flappy Monkey. The shoddy setup, the over-reliance on shitty humor, and the total lack of variety doom it from the start.
If you’re one of the three people left on Earth that somehow haven’t played a version of Flappy Bird by now, you probably have no interest in it, and you have nothing to worry about. Though if you are interested, you could do infinitely better than playing Flappy Monkey. It’s less of a game, and more of a metaphor for shitting on indie gaming in general.
- Set phasers to Picard facepalm! ↩
- Hell yeah!… If you’re like… seven. Even then, some seven-year-olds would be offended that I think they’d laugh at a shitting monkey. This is like 50% of Adam Sandler’s comedic catalog, so that should tell you all you need to know. ↩
theXBLIG 
˙ǝɯɐb sıɥʇ uo ʇxǝʇ ǝdʎʇ oʇ ʎɹʇ ı uǝɥʍ suǝddɐɥ sıɥʇ ʍou ʇɐɥʇ pɐq os pɐǝɥ ʎɯ uo ǝɯ pǝuɹnʇ ǝɯɐb sıɥʇ
oɐɯן ˙ʇɐɥʇ pıp ı ʍoɥ ʇno ǝɹnbıɟ uɐɔ ǝuo ou ʇǝq ı
😎 ˙uɐıɔısʎɥd pǝsuǝɔıן ɐ ʎq ʇno pǝʞɔǝɥɔ ʇɐɥʇ ǝʌɐɥ pןnoɥs noʎ ˙uoıʇıpuoɔ snoıɹǝs ɐ ǝʞıן spunos ʇɐɥʇ ¿ʎןןɐǝɹ ɥo
Debating whether I should drop the money for Evolution II. $3 is kinda steep. Suppose I’ll check out the demo later tonight and see how it differs from the first game.
I bow down to Master Tim’e’
Brutal Tim.
Absolutely brutal.
I could picture myself in some kind of prison / asylum for ‘indie game reviewers’, sitting in a darkened cell and screaming ‘They made me do it! They made me do it! I just wanted to play good games! That’s all I asked for!’ 😀
Thankfully there’s some good stuff just released on other platforms, so maybe XBLIG will grace us with a new release or two over the next couple of days.
Well, I really think everyone should take Vitamin C, in the old times many sailors died because their country provide them with the food, and none of it contained Vitamin C. I have no idea how to put text in bold, so I wrote that to not appear that stupid. As for the game well… at least I can put time with the other games, currently playing Last Story on Wii, and yesterday downloaded Child Of LIght and Shutshimi (about bloody time!) also playing a bit of Straco, I need to beat at least more than a half before next year… because next year is next gen for me. That’s why I’m not a 2 console guy (and also Im poor), cant beat games on one console imagine having 2. But… the Wii U… sounds appealing, cant have only that one console, so… maybe I can have it as a second. Same as the Wii (well my niece’s Wii) not so many good games but the games that it got worth it, so, you not have to dedicate so much time and money on the Nintendo machine. Also I will call Nintendo the “indie company with a million dollar budget”. Games like Super Mario 3D World, Donkey Kong Country REturns (yeah Rayman, but only that one on other consoles) is something you expect from an indie, their games are different, you dont see anywhere else. You know boyo, I think this will be the most expensive gen for gamers.
Everyone should take vitamins! That’s a smart move no matter who you are. 😀
Oh yeah, definitely the most expensive gen so far. Already have the XbOne and PS4, and I am literally THISCLOSE to buying a Wii U, now. They’re running a deal where you can basically get four games for the price of two. I’m debating whether I should buy in now, or just wait and see if they do anything else this holiday season. Don’t know if another deal on games like that will come around, though, so I’m stuck thinking about it. Two months ago, I would have said I’m never buying a Wii U. Funny how things can change.
Curiously enough, while Xbox and Sony get all the glory for bringing in indie games, Nintendo has been doing a good job at it themselves. Not sure how many are exclusive to their systems, but there’s quite a few coming to both the 3DS and the Wii U (I’m actually trying to put together some more articles at Indiepitome on upcoming Nintendo indies). Looking forward to playing Shovel Knight at the end of the week. Been waiting a while for that one.
RASPBERRY all over Soosh and Tim!!
WTF? My comment just disappeared. I posted a YouTube video and it just… vanished?! And when I tried again WordPress told me I’m stupid.
Ok, one more try.
Well at least this game is better than this:
Language warning not to mention how grotesquely funny it is.
WOW I just by accident learned how to do BOLD within my post. I’ll tell you how I did it for a dollar!! LMAO
Never thought watching someone playing a game where you have to throw monkey poo at people can be that funny 😀
And how did you put text in bold? Seriously, I’m curious 😛
Bold print you say! Tell me more about this great secret you’ve found! Ha! 😀
You are right, though. Monkey Poo Flinger would be worse. Chalk this up to yet another game I have to write about because of the extreme lack of new and interesting stuff. Seriously, guys, give me something. I’m crying in my cereal over here. So sad. So so sad.
@Soosh: WordPress does not make disparaging comments about its netizens. You take that back! Only footnotes are flagged!
Oh mighty WordPress, defender of the footnotes, please accept my sincere apologies. I’m not worthy!