REVIEW: Vixenized

In a scene that is certain to cause nightmares for some of our more sensitive viewers, Vixenized ($1.00) features very tiny Amazonian women riding on bats and swinging from vines, continuously flying right at your TV screen. Make of that what you will, and plan accordingly. Both the image of it and the gameplay borders on disturbing, not the kind of concept you want for a not even bargain-bin FPS, and one that would instead feel more at home in, say, an Ozzy Osbourne video.

Vixenized - Screen

Picture this on repeat in your head. Sleep well.

All of this diminutive trouble begins with your plane crashing in the jungle. Through some gap in the logic of the story, every man onboard (of which there were many, apparently) but you is taken hostage. You see, they’ve been tied up by throngs of women in bikinis, and… well, they… they need to be… rescued? Wait, are you reading that right? A crowd of bikini-clad women want to keep you all for themselves? I’m failing to see the problem here. Rescue would be the last thing you’d want… but, the game insists you play cock-blocking hero.

So you stumble into a clearing, a static screen that looks more like someone’s perfectly-manicured backyard than a dense jungle untouched by modern man, and so begins the game’s chief struggle. Presumably to fit the Amazonian vibe, you’re equipped with a bow & arrow that functions as your weapon and a means to freeing strung-up prisoners, Robin Hood-style. It’s not a traditional FPS, however, as your movement is limited to sliding from side to side, occasionally getting a face full of bat. Levels involve waves of women on various modes of transportation, with you gunning them down and saving the men in return.

Vixenized - Screen2

Clearly, somebody has issues with women.

And so it goes with Vixenized, with you forced to play through the same background greenery and watch the same little to non-existent animation, throwing your target reticule at everything in a furred top and / or the giant snakes(!). A ‘Survival’ mode is also available, if saving your pals is too much plot and you’d rather just shoot short women on repeat.

Suffice it to say both settings are a waste of your time. The cheap appearance and wonky design could be acceptable, if it felt like an honest attempt or had other redemptive qualities. Vixenized has none of that to report, just another sad attempt at pandering and a poorer excuse for ‘interactive entertainment’.

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11 thoughts on “REVIEW: Vixenized”

  1. So the prophecy has begun, indiemanwhoregamer is never wrong. After every masterpiece comes some boobs throwing us that sour dated milk in our faces. Well, I played a very good boob indie game on PC called Strip Fighter 4, nice graphics, sound, very smooth (not to be confused with Strip Fighter 2 for the PC Engine). I think that’s is the only indie boob game that was playable, actually is a VERY GOOD fighting game. Other than that, indie plus boobs means 10 years nectar but a waste of money for the 15yr’s and older. But always a good read of course 🙂
    Maybe one day, before XBLIG dies, a boob game will come, a game that will earn a place in your leaderboard, and I will play it along my imaginary girlfriend, maybe one day boyo…

    1. Got some good news for ya. I’m currently working on a title which will be the mother of all boob games. Working title: I Made a Game with Boobs in it! Scheduled release date will be sometime in 2019 🙂

      Anyhow, always remember that Neil Young song:
      Hey hey, my my… boob games will never die…

    2. @xionix: Got to take the sour with the sweet, sir, you know how it is. 🙂

      Strip Fighter, eh? I was watching some gameplay of that a few months ago. Forget exactly how I ended up there, not sure if it was something somebody mentioned here or if I ran into it elsewhere, but it looked like a busty Street Fighter. As long as the game is good, I’m all for it. I come off sounding like a prude when I do boob reviews here, but that’s only because I demand some ‘substance’ with my tits, dammit!

      The Uncraft Me series from Team Shuriken isn’t bad. I don’t see it ever making my leaderboard, but hey, stranger things have happened. Maybe Uncraft Me 3 will be the boob game to end all boob games.

      .

      @Soosh: 2019? That’s way too long for a development cycle. We’ll be on Xbox Three / 365, or something like that, by then. And, of course, you’ll have to rename it to I MAED A GAM3 W1TH B00B1E5 1N IT!!! …I feel like I’m just asking for a game like this to be made.

  2. Thanks for taking the bullet …er…uh I mean the bat in the face on this one for us. The producer of this game may have an issue with women but I think you have a penance for video game.

    1. Yeah, I suppose this fills my monthly quota for ‘boob games’. It was either this or the third ‘Avalis Dungeon’ game, and this one looked like it might have competent gameplay. I was wrong, so very wrong, but at least I’m doing a service for the community in steering others away from it batty-ness.

    2. “Tim Hurley: playing video games about boobs so you don’t have to.”

      My high school guidance counselor clearly didn’t steer me in a good enough direction. ; )

    3. Oh, my counselor didn’t do any better. He never mentioned this as a potential path my life would take. No college entrance tests can ever prepare you for this kind of a career.

      You forget, I’m the dude that shows up in the search results for ‘tree masturbation’. Very clearly, too, I might add.

      I’m not sure if I should be depressed about this, or snicker like a little kid and give myself a high-five. 🙂

    4. Make sure you wash your hands before you do the high five. (it’s 5am what you expect from me?)

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