‘Tits on the box. Whatever else you want to add, fine, but, tits prominently displayed on the box.’ This has to be Team Shuriken’s only suggestion at the meeting when coming up with the box art for its games. Not that I’ve got a better route. It’s
lewd shrewd business sense. If the breasts ain’t broke, don’t fix them. I’m taking liberties with a popular expression, yes, but it’s certainly the developer’s mantra. Uncraft Me 2 ($2.99) picks up right where the original left off…
…somewhere between art and hentai, between a ridiculous premise but competent level design, continuing in ‘crafting’ its own successful brand of striptease platforming. The girls are Space Idols this time, leaving behind the princesses and kittens (!) that were patched into the first game (…you know, a lesser man would make a bad joke like ‘Now that’s a good-looking pussy right there!’. Glad I’m above such humor).
The game itself (or the ‘bonus content’ that comes with the girls, to some) is a solid platformer that continues to improve and evolve. Minus the copious skin, it’s good enough to stand on its own, and your jetpacking avatar is more than competent at navigating the timing-based perils. Each stage once again splits its hazards evenly, with manageable chickpoints (checkpoints) placed to soften the more difficult runs. New obstacles, like shooting air vents and areas of unlimited rocket fuel, give some new wrinkles to the gameplay, along with returning death-bringers like hot lava and timed laser traps, those consistent bastards.
Saving you from lacing the air with a string of increasingly-obscure and homemade profanity (a typical play session), Uncraft Me 2 has generously provided the swearing for you, sprinkling in a ‘Fuck!’ or some other colorful turn of phrase whenever you die. And you will die, as the sequel carries on the tradition of ending your life repeatedly as you jetpack, swerve, and claw your way to the top of each stage in search of that elusive, softcore bondage, almost-but-not-quite-nude Space Idol.
One of the few screenshots without any skin— Wait, nevermind, crotch in the background.
In fact, besides the famously-hard (..heh heh) difficulty coming back with a vengeance in the later levels (the last two, in particular, will frustrate you needlessly), the only other thing that would really give me pause in recommending Uncraft Me 2 to any lonely, horny soul with a controller would be the higher cost of the sequel. At three dollars, and with the once again boob-centric hook, it’s far too light on legit content for anyone to pay that much for sex.