REVIEW: Uncraft Me 2

Tits on the box. Whatever else you want to add, fine, but, tits prominently displayed on the box.’ This has to be Team Shuriken’s only suggestion at the meeting when coming up with the box art for its games. Not that I’ve got a better route. It’s lewd shrewd business sense. If the breasts ain’t broke, don’t fix them. I’m taking liberties with a popular expression, yes, but it’s certainly the developer’s mantra. Uncraft Me 2 ($2.99) picks up right where the original left off

Uncraft Me - Screen

…somewhere between art and hentai, between a ridiculous premise but competent level design, continuing in ‘crafting’ its own successful brand of striptease platforming. The girls are Space Idols this time, leaving behind the princesses and kittens (!) that were patched into the first game (…you know, a lesser man would make a bad joke like ‘Now that’s a good-looking pussy right there!’. Glad I’m above such humor).

The game itself (or the ‘bonus content’ that comes with the girls, to some) is a solid platformer that continues to improve and evolve. Minus the copious skin, it’s good enough to stand on its own, and your jetpacking avatar is more than competent at navigating the timing-based perils. Each stage once again splits its hazards evenly, with manageable chickpoints (checkpoints) placed to soften the more difficult runs. New obstacles, like shooting air vents and areas of unlimited rocket fuel, give some new wrinkles to the gameplay, along with returning death-bringers like hot lava and timed laser traps, those consistent bastards.

Saving you from lacing the air with a string of increasingly-obscure and homemade profanity (a typical play session)Uncraft Me 2 has generously provided the swearing for you, sprinkling in a ‘Fuck!’ or some other colorful turn of phrase whenever you die. And you will die, as the sequel carries on the tradition of ending your life repeatedly as you jetpack, swerve, and claw your way to the top of each stage in search of that elusive, softcore bondage, almost-but-not-quite-nude Space Idol.

Uncraft Me - Screen2

One of the few screenshots without any skin— Wait, nevermind, crotch in the background.

In fact, besides the famously-hard (..heh heh) difficulty coming back with a vengeance in the later levels (the last two, in particular, will frustrate you needlessly), the only other thing that would really give me pause in recommending Uncraft Me 2 to any lonely, horny soul with a controller would be the higher cost of the sequel. At three dollars, and with the once again boob-centric hook, it’s far too light on legit content for anyone to pay that much for sex.

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8 thoughts on “REVIEW: Uncraft Me 2”

    1. It makes a much better selling point than those Choose Your Adventure types they were (and still are) cranking out. Multiple choice questions and boobs? Not so much. Platforming and boobs? Now you’re speaking my language.

    2. So where is the boobs FBS (First Boob Shooters) or the RPB (Role Playing Boobs) or the MMOBPG (Massive Multi player Online Boob Playing Games)?

    3. Oh those exist, in some form or another. World of Warcraft is really just a vehicle to traffic elfin boobs. And as for FBS, that’s clearly Duke Nukem. 🙂

      I am a little surprised that no one’s done a proper boob-heavy FPS on the indie channel, though I get the feeling we’ll see it at some point. There’s always that extra processing power of the Xbox One, too. XBLIG is merely the training grounds.

    1. The boob games are always the long payout, in terms of views. That’s why you get ‘Sexy Island Adventure’ consistently in the most popular.

      Put it this way— I would have an extremely popular website if I only reviewed boob games exclusively.

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