I can count on one hand the amount of times that bringing a pizza and a movie over to a house has resulted in finding a nearly-famished (and nearly-naked) girl who is extremely appreciative and flashing a devilish grin. That amount is zero, sadly, though I think that’s less an indictment of myself and more a case of Don’t Be Late For Your Date’s ($1.00) premise not quite matching up to reality.
You mean to tell me that picking up a ‘$5 Hot N’ Ready’ (…and I’m talking about pizza here, just to be clear) is all that separates me from the screenshot below? Well, yes. DBLFYD insists that going on multiple food runs for your lady is a surefire way to land yourself a permanent girlfriend. Which is… somewhat true, I suppose, if you think about it in a roundabout way. A girl’s gotta eat. Or maybe there’s some kind of food / feederism / sexual gratification thing going on, but that’s getting into more than this review is built for.
Ahem. DBLFYD is a series of timed driving missions, 20 in all, that task you with paying for and picking up two different items for your… rendezvous, yeah, that’s what we’ll call it. It’s the very loosest sense of driving, as well, with only the ability to control your speed and choose from three different lanes of traffic. Hardly Gran Turismo. Along the way, you’ll need to swipe wayward currency off the road as a means to an end, and avoid (or shoot, as you have no moral qualms with murder) other traffic and the occasional police speedtrap.
Some minimal strategy is required, granted, as ammunition is initially limited, and you’ll need to trade off your speed to gather more coins while still observing the time deadline in each run. The speedtraps are a neat idea, too, until you realize the penalty is a brief influx of police vehicles and a non-factor once you’ve scooped up enough reserve ammo. Subsequent stages will increase the amount of money you need to acquire in order to satisfy your girl’s increasingly-bizarre demands, including the pairing together of sushi and ice cream. Which is just… I mean, exactly how eclectic are this woman’s taste buds?
Admit it, you didn’t come here for the ‘gameplay’ anyway.
Regardless, completing the levels in Don’t Be Late For Your Date is an extended exercise in tedium, with no real reason to bother with it at all, beyond an anti-climatic unveiling of the girl in lingerie once you’ve filled your ‘girlfriend-ometer’. As tantalizing as that sounds (insert sarcasm), you’re better off avoiding the whole enterprise and keeping the aforementioned ‘$5 Hot N’ Ready’ for yourself.