REVIEW: Don’t Be Late For Your Date

I can count on one hand the amount of times that bringing a pizza and a movie over to a house has resulted in finding a nearly-famished (and nearly-naked) girl who is extremely appreciative and flashing a devilish grin. That amount is zero, sadly, though I think that’s less an indictment of myself and more a case of Don’t Be Late For Your Date’s ($1.00) premise not quite matching up to reality.

You mean to tell me that picking up a ‘$5 Hot N’ Ready’ (…and I’m talking about pizza here, just to be clear) is all that separates me from the screenshot below? Well, yes. DBLFYD insists that going on multiple food runs for your lady is a surefire way to land yourself a permanent girlfriend. Which is… somewhat true, I suppose, if you think about it in a roundabout way. A girl’s gotta eat. Or maybe there’s some kind of food / feederism / sexual gratification thing going on, but that’s getting into more than this review is built for.

Ahem. DBLFYD is a series of timed driving missions, 20 in all, that task you with paying for and picking up two different items for your… rendezvous, yeah, that’s what we’ll call it. It’s the very loosest sense of driving, as well, with only the ability to control your speed and choose from three different lanes of traffic. Hardly Gran Turismo. Along the way, you’ll need to swipe wayward currency off the road as a means to an end, and avoid (or shoot, as you have no moral qualms with murder) other traffic and the occasional police speedtrap.

Some minimal strategy is required, granted, as ammunition is initially limited, and you’ll need to trade off your speed to gather more coins while still observing the time deadline in each run. The speedtraps are a neat idea, too, until you realize the penalty is a brief influx of police vehicles and a non-factor once you’ve scooped up enough reserve ammo. Subsequent stages will increase the amount of money you need to acquire in order to satisfy your girl’s increasingly-bizarre demands, including the pairing together of sushi and ice cream. Which is just… I mean, exactly how eclectic are this woman’s taste buds?

Don't Be Late For Your Date - Screen

Admit it, you didn’t come here for the ‘gameplay’ anyway.

Regardless, completing the levels in Don’t Be Late For Your Date is an extended exercise in tedium, with no real reason to bother with it at all, beyond an anti-climatic unveiling of the girl in lingerie once you’ve filled your ‘girlfriend-ometer’. As tantalizing as that sounds (insert sarcasm), you’re better off avoiding the whole enterprise and keeping the aforementioned ‘$5 Hot N’ Ready’ for yourself.

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9 thoughts on “REVIEW: Don’t Be Late For Your Date”

    1. Bah, she ain’t a red.
      Thats no milky way
      (or mars bar for you british folks) here, only a hollow shell of empty lies!

    2. Well, the Chewy Caramel Centre Gambit won’t win you any critical praise, but it will earn you the eternal gratitude of teenage hormones everywhere. Also, money. Yes, money.

  1. Ah, reviewing some boobs for old times sakes. Guess someone is feeling nostalgic, I will get some microsoft poi…. er Xbox money for the Cyber Monday, and the only indie I will get is Produce Wars, alas, that is the only one that draw my attention. I just hope those indie games that the ppl are waiting (me included) still come out to the Xbox. Because from the looks of things, it will be more of a fan service instead of a profit pleasure. Funny thing I dont recall boobs and “The First To Reply To This Comment” acting together as a team, weird huh, I mean that is the XBLIG’s trademark. Or maybe the developers are afraid of the review and dont send the free code(s), guess we will never know boyo.

    1. Yeah, this game wasn’t a requested review (surprise, surprise), so no codes to give away. You’re not missing out on anything, though. I know these games aren’t going to be a positive review long before I actually play them, but it’s good to sprinkle some boob games in here and there, just to keep the site relevant to the ‘sexy’ crowd.

      The good games are still coming, I know it, Might be few and far between, but they’re coming. I should have a few interesting titles to play this week, at least, from what I see of the new releases.

  2. LOL Very enjoyable read this morning! Thanks for the chuckle. Whenever I see games about dating I think of all those poor 13 year old boys that drop their $1 on this only to be disappointed. Getting them ready for the real world I guess!

    1. Yes sir! Disappointment is part of life; might as well introduce it to them early.

      It’s a fun job sometimes. That’s why I secretly don’t mind these games (but don’t tell anyone), because they’re always good for a chuckle to play and write about. 🙂

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