REVIEW: Dashing Donuts

Dashing Donuts ($1.00) is mostly what you think it is; the time-tested practice of rolling a donut down a hill. Ever since we were cavemen, hooting excitedly at the prospects of this newfound mode of transportation, industry, and sport, the wheel has fascinated us. Both mankind and the idea have evolved over the years, now allowing anyone to electronically partake without ever leaving the couch, but it’s the darling simplicity of it that continues to intrigue.

Here, it’s also ratings manipulation at its finest, or, at the very least, some very disingenuous reviews by other players (i.e. friends and family). At almost 100 ratings (as of this post), which is in itself an already questionable feat, given that most other indie games fail to reach that mark even months after release, the game sits prettily at nearly a perfect five-star rating on the Xbox marketplace.

Which is just… wrong. I’m not saying that developer Kaczynski Software has created the worst racer I’ve played; the controls aren’t overly-complex (you can steer, obviously, and slow down / speed up), or particularly good, but they suffice for the job at hand. Is it a basic, visually bland, and completely unexceptional racer, though? Yes! Emphatically so. Far from a 5 / 5 or anywhere near it, let alone a hundred ‘people’ doing their best to say otherwise.

The actual ‘racing’ part is just as dull, with you silently (No music? In a racing game?) slaloming down any given course, hopping over, sliding under, or otherwise avoiding any hazards encountered. It boasts unlimited tracks, though the same few hazards and assets are recycled throughout, making it more about how much of it you can stomach, rather than a ‘thrilling feature’ box you can check off.

Dashing Donuts - Screen

It truly is as unexciting as it looks.

As such, Dashing Donuts should be skipped, despite what the ratings may say. There is nothing groundbreaking here. No records will broken on the race track, though it is the first well-reviewed (albeit based on a hundred lies) racer that is both incredibly boring and utterly forgettable. All coincidental, of course, no foul play suspected.

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10 thoughts on “REVIEW: Dashing Donuts”

    1. Not even beautiful, just dull! Absinthe would be an improvement for sure, but then again, I say that about a lot of things (and it’s always true).

      165 reviews now, and just under four stars. Better, but still not accurate.

    1. These kind of games have to chase me. But I can take it. Because I’m not the hero XBLIG needs right now. I’m your silent guardian, your watchful protector. A dark knight.

    1. Definitely. The developer has a network of friends, no doubt. The ‘boob games’ manage to rack up the ratings pretty quickly, but a basic-looking donut racer? Something fishy going on around here.

  1. Well, at least you are not giving it away in the “The first to reply to this comment” service good to know you are not going the “Games With Gold” path.

    A World Of Keflings? Oh well, at least my niece like it, for now….

    I tried the demo just because I saw those 5 stars, I though there was something wrong with me and I hit myself asking me why I don’t like this game.

    1. I think a lot of people have hit themselves after downloading this. The rating suckered me into doing it, as well. 😦

      Never tried World of Keflings, but yeah, come on, Microsoft, you need to do better than that.

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