Somewhere in the middle of Sexy Island Adventure (80 MSP), probably after I’d upgraded my weapon / pick axe for the umpteenth time, and mashed the thousandth innocent bush or flower in my path, I came to the realization that boob games on XBLIG have now reached the point of total perversion (no pun intended). No longer just the domain of your basic puzzler or text-based affair, itself just a ruse to rub anime breasts in your face, it’s begun invading other genres. Uncraft Me! took on platforming. For Sexy Island Adventure, it’s the RPG / Adventure mold that undergoes a chesty re-imagining.
Most men’s dreams go a little something like this.
And rather than using the typical construct for conflict / motivation in games, say, the vanquishing of some great evil, saving a kingdom in distress, serving a benevolent empire, or following some noble, enlightened course or journey, Sexy Island Adventure tries to pull you into its world with a ‘different’ kind of sympathy— ahem…, well, motivating your penis into action. It does so with the promise of photographing ten women scattered about the land.
Said land is wild and untamed, shrouded in mystery until you walk it and effectively ‘discover’ the terrain. Deserts, forests, water, lava; it’s all here, impeding your mission to various degrees. There’s plenty of loose money to be found, too, which will be used RPG-like to upgrade both you (increased walking speed, energy, walk on water?) and your glorified shovel / rake / axe, in order to destroy increasingly pesky barriers preventing you from achieving your ultimate goal— stumbling upon young women who have conveniently left most of their clothes as home.
Of course, it’s hard to tell there’s an underlying game here at all, as the screenshots for the game focus on the girls, which is, admittedly, the most effective, time-tested marketing angle. Indeed, there is no combat, no natural disaster or internal strife, to be found in Sexy Island Adventure. The title will not let you down. Still, the idea of breaking down the environment dull swing after dull swing after dull swing isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, and the ‘thrill’ of the hunt (finding the girls) gives only a subdued sense of achievement at best.
As expected, I cannot recommend Sexy Island Adventure. Hacking a thousand trees to bits to gather coins loses whatever luster it has once the reality of hacking down a thousand trees settles in. Put that mode on soundtrack-less repeat, and you can guess the result. The game functions as it should, a RPG / Camera Adventure hybrid perversion, though it’s not some great quest or wrong that needs righting that will spur you onward, no addictive arcade quality to cement repeat playing. It’s just boobs. Boobs, boobs, boobs, all the way through.