REVIEW: Make It Rain

Well, the good news is, I’m a discriminating connoisseur of slang; despite the lack of any descriptive images or blatant T&A popping out at me, Make It Rain (80 MSP) is exactly what I thought it was by title alone. The bad news is, the good news is the bad news.

The description asks if I ever wanted to be like my favorite music artist or sports hero, and, specifically, go to the club and ‘make it rain’? Wait, isn’t it a little presumptuous (and more than a little condescending) to say that all athletes and musicians frequent strip clubs? Some learn to play the piano, or start a charity foundation. But I digress! Do I like to ‘make it rain on ’em’? Ladies, you better pack an umbrella. It’s like developer 24kt_Studios read my perverted, grade school mind and dropped me off at the corner of Yes! and Hell yes! It’s too bad I’m being completely sarcastic, as Make It Rain panders to the lowest common denominator of gaming: stiffly-animated women dancing on a digital pole, for you to throw digital money at. Thanks, Fat Joe!

Make It Rain - Screen

Grant and Franklin, they know the drill.

There’s an old, old world saying that I’m going to paraphrase, that goes something along the lines of ‘never anger or get on the bad side of women that take their clothes off for a living’. I’m sure that saying didn’t have the foresight to see something like Make it Rain, so it doesn’t apply to videogames and I should be safe from their ire. The game is utterly ridiculous / terrible (ridicurrible), a series of button presses to match the on-screen currency, for a minute. Wow. I never thought I’d play a game that makes the Team Shuriken catalog look like high art that should be hanging in the Louvre. Odder still, while the theme of the game is heavily ‘visual’, you’ll spend most of your time watching the money / button combinations instead of the women. Probably just as well.

Choice amounts to which girl (of a possible four) you have dance, and is nothing more than a color palette swap and an individual biography, as if character development and background was really important to get right here. The ‘dance’ itself is the same few looped frames of animation regardless of choice, punctuated by cat calls and brief, weird, sexualized moans only slightly less creepy than the whole of The Houchi Play, which at least was entertaining. There’s nothing sexual about it here, however, making it just weird. Certainly not something you want to advertise with whatever sound system you have, as it’ll draw some questionable glances from anyone you live with.

Make It Rain - Screen2

Everything starts with a good backstory.

Call it a case of ‘I should know better’ (and really, we all should know better), but there’s absolutely zero to like about Make It Rain. It’s insulting to both sexes, stretches the definition of ‘videogame’, and I feel dirty and infinitely more stupid after playing it. There’s a dollar and ten minutes of my life I won’t ever get back. Make It Rain? No, I Make It Delete, straight off of my Xbox. Take us out, Joe.

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11 thoughts on “REVIEW: Make It Rain”

  1. Ridicurrible has now been entered into my list of words that should be in existence and I will use until I die and everyone around me will have that look a dog gives you when it cocks its head and is trying to figure out what you mean. Thanks Tim!!!!

    Maybe we could get the developers of Mount Your Friends and Make it Rain together to make a combined effort called…well Mount Your Friends and Make It Rain.

    Glad I passed. At first I thought it sounded like something interesting just by the name but in this case I did read the description and realized it was not my cup of tea.

    Thanks for an enjoyable read!

    1. Thank you. I’ve always liked using that hybrid form. It -should- be up on Urban Dictionary. 🙂

      And though ‘Mount Your Friends and Make It Rain’ sounds like the unholiest union ever, and possibly illegal (it would certainly violate some decency laws, especially if you take the ‘make it rain’ slang to extremes), I would probably review it.

    1. That’d be a witty title for a puzzle game of that type. Sadly, ’tis not to be. It could be (no, definitely be) because my mind is constantly in the gutter, I immediately went to the idea of a strip club and dollar bills. I wanted to be wrong, I -really- did.

      Because I love a good parody… and Mr. Belding from Saved by the Bell.

    1. Or not. Once it’s been played it can’t be unplayed. 🙂 I’d much rather revisit Mount Your Friends than spend a second more on this one.

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