It’s hard to put an appendage on what’s likely to offend the most in Stegersaurus Games’ Mount Your Friends (80 MSP). The title is a decent candidate to start with, clearly going for yuks based on the literal interpretation (you really are climbing your friends throughout the game) and the implied, immature angle; this is coming from the developer of the infamous (and best-selling, nonetheless) Baby Maker Extreme series.
It could be fact that the entire game is based around nearly-naked men throwing themselves on top of each other in various, impossible contortions, grunting while they stretch for that extra inch of height, a human pyramid scheme built on the basest form of humor. It tries to classify (minus the class) this under ‘sport’, but you can imagine how serious that’s likely to be taken.
The front-runner for me, though, has to be all the never-ending swinging dicks in multi-colored thongs on display. Like, everywhere, all the time. Even when they’re standing perfectly still. There’s no reason or practical application for the generous helping of cock, so it’s yet another facet to the game that’s constructed for laughs and doesn’t garner any (if you’re over the age of twelve).
Which leads to the gameplay, the least offensive component, thankfully, but incredibly basic. Using the four face buttons of the controller to manipulate the arms and legs of each… participant / athlete, you’ll crawl and fling your way up the pile like human spider monkeys, all on the back of the most unfortunate goat in goat history. And no, I’m not embellishing or making any of this up.
While the focus across the entire game is on gaining the most amount of height in the least amount of time, the mechanics of doing so do not change from one mode to the next. From challenges to tournaments to online matches (?), you’re only ever doing the same thing over and over again, occasionally under the constraints of time or your own ability to stack nude men in the most efficient way possible. The novelty of such an idea, if that idea could be considered a novelty, wears off pretty quick.
Yes, it’s raining men.
The entire ‘package’ (haha, snicker, snicker) is ridiculously over-the-top and so devoid of entertainment that even when you know the developer is trying hard to be amusing or edgy, you can’t manage a sympathy chuckle. Some games are unintentionally bad, others, intentionally. It’s a rare feat when you find one that does both expertly, and it’s a perfect storm of terrible when you add up all its other offenses. The sum is less than zero. Mount Your Friends wants to be objectionable, is objectionable, and can’t even redeem itself with the simplified gameplay it has on tap. XBLIG as a brand isn’t dead yet, though on days like this, I wish it was.