REVIEW: Ninjas and Priestess

After my last expedition to Europe and several subsequent doctor visits, I promised myself I’d never pay for the company of beautiful women again. Surprisingly, that decree lasted the better part of four years, as I’ve now patronized Team Shuriken‘s latest, Ninjas and Priestess (80 MSP).

I debated (yes, debated, don’t read that funny) putting this in a ‘softcore porn’ category, but figured I’ll sacrifice the guaranteed uptick in page views and drop it in ‘other’. The Team Shuriken games (Temple of Dogolrak, Mystic Forest, Avalis Dungeon) have always been less about expanding the art medium and more about giving young men what they want— a gentle introduction to hentai in the disguise of a video game. That ‘education’ typically comes (don’t read that funny either) at the price of three dollars, and in return, you get a not-even-point-just-click adventure with an emphasis on huge tits visuals.

Oh honey, please; I bet you say that to all the 12-year-old boys.

It’s more of the same here. The problem with Ninjas and Priestess is the same issue that’s plagued every Shuriken release; it’s not really a game. It’s ten minutes of aimless clicking until you reach the end and the promise of a sequel. In fact, it’s little more than a (formerly $3) advertisement for you to buy the artist’s book of collected drawings. You do unlock some preview images for your trouble.

Sure, there’s the art to ‘appreciate’ (think of that what you will), but every decision you make in the game outside of navigation, which is hit or miss as far as actually getting somewhere, is random. You have three party members at your disposal that represent different attacks, but the ‘combat’ is trial-and-error. Attack a barely-clothed chick with one of the three, try another if it doesn’t work, restart if she kills you off. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. How stimulating.

Hey, it’s not the size of the fry that counts…

I realize there’s not much point in me complaining here. I chose to purchase it of my own free will and under absolutely no pressure, and it’s not as if a ‘review’ is going to sway a horny kid away from buying. The games must be selling to continually pump them out.

That said, it would be nice if Team Shuriken decided one of these times to build an actual game to compliment all the skin. Pandering to a certain clientele is one thing, overcharging for something you can find on deviantART; that’s a whole other issue. Avoid.

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