Banana Bananza - Screen2

REVIEW: Banana Bananza

Boob Games come in all different shapes and sizes, and not all of them are created equal. For years, I’ve been lambasting their developers to stop with all the superficial ploys and the money grabs, hoping that someday, someone would listen and release a product that could transcend the mediocrity the skin genre is known for. Well, friends, today is that sought-after day, and Banana Bananza ($1.00) is the fantastic answer to that plea. It is a boob game, yes, but one with heart and incredible depth of character, a serious achievement for the medium and an instant leaderboard add.

Banana Bananza - Screen

… No.

…  … No. Wait a minute.

That can’t be right. Hell no! No way! What I should say is April Fools! and OMG, you guys, Banana Bananza is terrible. Just awful, predatory stuff, and I wrote this review purely to stamp a ‘PLEASE KIDS, DO NOT BUY THIS’ all over it. See that screenshot above? Without hyperbole, you are paying one US dollar (or the equivalent in your local currency) to uncover the bottom half of that picture. Spoiler: It’s girls posing suggestively with bananas. Wow, who saw that coming?

Oh, I suppose I should say it’s not a total fraud. You do get a ‘banana’ counter mini-game of sorts, where you can jam on the ‘A’ button to earn bananas, or spend your accumulated fruits on other, banana-producing ‘machines’ …like a tree. …Or a farm. It’s hardly exhilarating, and honestly, you could get more fun out of playing with the calculator app on your iPhone. Worse? Partaking in this minigame nets you nothing. Nothing. You simply gain more bananas. That’s epic.

Even ‘Slime Girl’ below is sad to be a veteran of this travesty, having been used in the last three projects from Fusion Gaming (time for some new art, guys). Sure, she’s fictional, and makes questionable decisions (going naked in the swamp is not a good plan), but imagine this for your legacy: being attached to Banana Bananza. Girl, nobody is going to want to add you to their LinkedIn profile, save for the ladies from Snowfall, maybe.

Banana Bananza - Screen2

She looks like I feel after playing this game.

There’s bad games, there’s boob games, and then there’s games that should never have existed. Banana Bananza has a lifetime membership to that club. The next stranger you cross paths with, I want you to hand them a dollar. You should feel some disappointment with yourself at being a little more broke, but I’m doing you a favor. You’d be ‘paying it forward’ (thanks Haley Joel Osment), and anything is better than downloading this worthless bilge.

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EDIT 4/3: Banana Bananza has been taken off the marketplace. Not that I’ll shed a tear if it never returns, but, apparently, you can’t have cover art with a suggestive image of women with banana dicks. Also there was some glitch in the Matrix that allowed you to purchase it, but the game file was corrupted. Bottom line: You and I are much better off without it.

Banana Bananza - Box Art

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Review on Indie Gamer Chick 

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41 thoughts on “REVIEW: Banana Bananza”

  1. Should say the game was actually broken by an update on Tuesday I believe. I hadn’t finished my review fully and went back to it an Wednesday to get a picture of the game itself only to find the error.

    After writing my review of it (linked below by Soosh) I might have pestered the hell out of Microsoft for a while to act because the game was actually broken. The screen being seen now if you try to play is what people were seeing before the game was removed anyway and is a result of the developer somehow being able to upload and release a broken version of the games code.

    1. You know, it’s kind of funny how everyone that’s done a review for this game all went back to it after writing their respective review, hoping to get a picture of the ‘full image’ you pay to unlock, only to have that screen pop up. Not funny playing OR paying for this piece of crap, but the surrounding stories are priceless :)

      I do have to thank you immensely for grabbing that box art while it was there. I might have seen it briefly when I was on the marketplace, but it just didn’t register to me, I guess (lots of boob games use ladies on the cover, as you well know).

      At any rate, looks like Fusion Gaming is the new ‘wretched hive of scum and villainy’ on XBLIG, doing the bare minimum, copy and paste images, etc. For awhile, everyone had Silver Dollar Games pegged as the bad guys, and it’s bounced around to other developers here and there. Fusion wants to take up the title at the end, it seems. Terrible legacy to have.

    1. Wow. Looks that way. Maybe they realized the error in their ways (I can hope), and decided to trash the thing. Poor excuse for entertainment, and really, taking people for a buck to see a screenshot is a cheap form of fraud. Too bad I was a victim. :)

    2. WOW….interesting.

      @Tim must have been why you couldn’t download it again for that screenshot you were talking about. Must have got to many complaints.

    3. Could be. Seemed like a problem with the hard drive, and the game was still available to download with no problem. Just wouldn’t actually play. Now, it’s just gone from the marketplace entirely…. A most interesting development!

    4. On second thought Tim I blame it on you. You broke the game man. It’s all your fault.

    5. On second thought Tim I blame it on you. You broke the game man. It’s all your fault

      Not just the game, seems like the whole marketplace is down at the moment. Gee, Tim what have you done?!

    6. Ok, I take it back. Tried to access the marketplace on my laptop and it gave me a blank page (tried UK and US). It still works on the Xbox though. But they do seem to have some problems, just checked Xbox Live Status.

    7. I break what I want! I’m gonna bring the whole diseased system down!

      Does look like it has some issues, though I would say those would be unrelated to both Banana Bananza and any reviews I have written, past, present, and future :)

    8. I remember that guy! They had him on Tosh a few seasons ago, I think. Both the story and that banana are priceless.

      On the Banana Bananza front, Cathy (Indie Gamer Chick) had the same problem with playing the game as I did, so that must have been the beginning of the end of Banana Bananza (wipes tear)…

      Apparently, it was the cover art that did the game in. ‘Chicks with Banana Dicks’ are not allowed on the service, it seems. Damn! Wish I’d have taken that picture off the marketplace page when I could’ve. Oh well. So many missed opportunities in life. :)

      On the plus side ApocZ IS fixed for online play, so have at it. Now I can finish up the review and have it up by Saturday morning, methinks.

    9. Man, this game is wrecking quite a few livelihoods. I say that partially as a joke, but I do feel for the people that bought the game and now find they can’t actually play it. They’re not missing out on anything AT ALL, but still, a dollar spent deserves a product in return, no matter how bad it is. Fraud! Just fraud, I say!

      Thanks for the link, sir. I shall now be able to upload the offending box art to the bottom of the review, so that world may see the fabled ‘banana dick girls’ for themselves. For journalistic integrity only, I assure you. :p

    10. Oh gawd!!! Just don’t Bing search banana dick girls. I tell you DON”T DO IT.

      Ok now that you did it I know you wish you hadn’t. LIKE ME!!

  2. There surely must be people out there buying these sort of games. Just have a look at the most popular articles. Right now, as I write, six out of the seven listed there are about boob games.
    That doesn’t necessarily mean that people who read those reviews will end up buying them, but that’s at least an indication that people are interested in boob games.
    Or they just read them for the laughs, dunno…

    But that’s a phenomenon Boob Dylan already mentioned in the early 60’s in one of his famous songs:

    What do I need in my new indie game
    A game that people will buy
    The answer my friend, have boobies in your game
    The answer is boobies in your game

    1. Boob Dylan always says it best. And yeah, boobs make everything better, according to the popular articles and Google’s search engine. You could say I hurt / help myself with post tagging, I guess, but there’s been plenty of searches already for Banana Bananza. Hopefully this review will drive it home to them that it’s sooooo not worth the dollar you’re looking to spend. Buy Dead Pixels, people! Or Astralis! One Finger Death Punch! Blood & Bacon Lite! Look at the leaderboard I’ve got here, please! So much more worth your time than this!

      Ahem. Ditto for Snowfall, although, you’d be surprised how many people are searching for the artist / song name of the menu music in that game. Somebody even left a comment for it. So maybe boobs aren’t the motivating factor for everything…. no…. no, they are.

      Some could be coming for the jokes, too. I do like to have some fun at the boob game’s expense. :)

    2. Thank you.
      Funny thing is I’m actually tempted to download the trial, just to see how it is. Problem is, I’m too scared that I end up dreaming of big boobed women with giant bananas.

    3. Take that first screenshot, then add tapping ‘A’ to get bananas. That’s your trial. :) Saved you the trouble.

      I wanted to take a picture of the ‘unlocked’ image just to post it here and spoil the game completely, but after I erased the game and tried to re-download it, it refuses to work.Tried clearing my cache and downloading again, but to no avail. Must be a sign.

    4. I made the mistake of doing the trial to Lifeguard. Don’t bother Swoosh.

    5. @ImTheMetalLord: Is Lifeguard an actual game? The screenshots make it seem like a platformer of sorts, but after the wreck that is Banana Bananza, I have to wonder about these things. Can’t be too careful. :)

    6. @Tim not if you count push the button sequence and watch a girl rub lotion on another girl. LOL Well that was one of the four different modes you can do. There was a running, jumping, ducking mode as well and without any jiggle it wasn’t even worth a giggle. Didn’t even have any sappy music to it.

    7. Hmm, might be more involved than BB, at least. And rubbing lotion on another girl, you say? I see a hit game! I feel truly bad for the sucker that spends $3 on that. It’s terrible enough that I’ve spent what I have on these games….

      Much thanks, sir, for doing the dirty work so I didn’t have to! :)

  3. Great game! Not so great review though. Also, I bought Lifeguard instead of Survivalist and wow! Just wow! Are there more games like this on xblig? If so I’m not even going to bother with Hitman or Max Payne 3+Bully I bought on sale last week.

    1. Oh, fantastic game! I agree. There’s no way I could properly capture its essence with the written word. I was not worthy.

      And Lifeguard over Survivalist? That’s like, the best decision anyone could make. Ever. Like in the history of the world. With quality like this, why would you even consider playing any of those so-called AAA games? No thanks, I’ll keep my boobs, thank you. :D

    2. I almost hate to admit it, but anytime I see a game like this I rate it one star. Now, I have to go watch that Sarcastaball episode of South Park.

  4. I must admit you got me. That’s what I get for reading when I’m not fully awake. I was in shock while reading the first paragraph and then you instead of talking about boobs I felt like a boob for falling for it.

    Touche’ Tim. Time for me to pass along to others your fun. :D

    1. Too easy of a joke to pass up, man. :) I was working on the review for Blue Beacon, though, so I’ll be eager to get this game off the top of the main page by tomorrow morning. Good for a laugh, in the meantime.

  5. If you have a look at the cover art you will notice that the girl on the left holds a banana in front of the genital area of the girl on the right. So is the cover trying to tell us that the girl on the right is in fact a shemale?
    Or might it be a strap-on?

    Answers, gentlemen, I need answers…

    P.S. And the honour of being the first game to receive the tags “DO NOT BUY” and “Some days I hate my job” goes to… BANANA BANANZAAAA (cue applause).

    1. Haha. You know, that cover art didn’t escape my notice. I originally had much worse written here. Sometimes I catch myself and say,’Whoa, that’s veering into dangerous territory’. Not that I’m writing for a PG crowd, but even I’ve got lines I don’t like to cross. Sadly, we may never know the answers to those very legitimate questions. :)

      Those tags, though… so spot on. Man, this was a pathetic cash-in.

    2. I originally had much worse written here

      Ok, now I’m curious, how much worse? Or would it be too explicit to post it here?
      Perhaps you should start a sister site called the xxxblig.

    3. Haha. Points! Points to Soosh for ‘theXXXBLIG! Even though it’s still early in this part of the world, you win the internet today. :D

      Not too much worse, just a bit unnecessary. The opening went into a longer rant about boobs, which I thought wasn’t that funny and just dragged on. Actually a good thing, as that’s when I figured I’d pull the April Fool’s Day gag. I harped on the developer a bit more, although I figured if they released a masterpiece some day, I’d have to eat my words. Sexy Island Adventure wasn’t all that bad for a boob-focused RPG / Miner / Digger / Whatever you’d call it, you know. That and the ending focused on using our ‘bigger’ heads to do the thinking instead of… well, you know. That part I thought went a little too far into ‘crass’ territory. Otherwise, all’s well that end’s well. :)

    1. I wish I could say that, my friend, but something tells me we’ll be seeing these types of things right up to the moment XBLIG officially croaks.

      There is a market for it, though, thanks to young boys… and people like me, I guess. That said, I’d much rather cover the more interesting stuff out there like you guys. One day… one day.

      It was too much of a coincidence this review was falling on April 1st, so I had to take the chance at pulling a gag. Luckily I dropped the act after the first paragraph, otherwise I was worried someone might take me at my word and go buy this thing. Get that second cup of coffee. You’ve earned it after trudging through this muck. :)

  6. Here’s to you Xbox Live Indie Games
    Rest forever here in our hearts…

    That’s right judge Hurley, XBLIG, a channel wrongly accused of being a boob paradise for pre-teens, but in reality, is full of hidden gems that ppl must play.

    Btw I replayed Ground Zeroes, on the harder difficulty and this time I took my time, explore, hide etc… actually is quite fun. I think you cant play with a mind like “just beat the mission and then go to the strip club”. For ppl that only beat the games, is not worth it, now, for completionist is ok… but still not at that price. You almost got me at the beginning lad, just like the strippers when they act that they like me. I got a feeling this will be the last year, or at least the last with some good games. I will never forget those XBLIG, and when MS cut the online service, I will always remember Those last and final moments with ours, and even with some criticism that Agony will be his triumph, because with all that boobs and crap stuff, it will never be forgotten.

    -indiemanwhoregamer

    1. ‘Hidden gem’ would be one way of describing this, that’s for sure. A ‘whole bunch of swear words and unflattering remarks’ would be an even better way of explaining it. But, if it prevents two people from downloading the trial, or.. gulp… buying it, then my dollar was not spent in vain. :)

      It’s a part of XBLIG’s legacy, though, like you said. And that tarnished legacy will probably get a lot more tarnished before it’s over.

      I still haven’t gotten back to Ground Zeroes, but I think that for as short as the main mission is, some of those ‘side ops’ look to be more interesting. I was watching a video of a mission where you rescue Kojima from the base, and that kind of ‘guns blazing’ moment would be a nice change of pace for the series. I still say that the full game will be worth the wait. Having an open world (with hopefully no time restraints) to play in will allow for plenty of variety and (conceivably) some cool moments. It’s all about having options.

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