REVIEW: More Fun With Twins

Hmm, More Fun With Twins ($1.00), you say? I mean, it sounds like a challenge, so let’s go ahead and dissect that affirmative statement posing as a game title that’s posing as a game, the reality of it being a lazy match-2 card thing with tits, a blatant cash grab of the worst sort. I’d rather re-play Date The Boss, another of developer DUALHAZE’s projects that seems to defy the odds (and good taste) and continues to be a popular read here at this site1, but I digress.

More Fun With Twins - Screen

Sure, there’s plenty of things in life that are improved by twins. Gum commercials from the 1980s, Arnold Schwarzenegger movies, Crayon Pop, cute pet viral videos, proponents of large families, kids shows (with each twin playing the polar opposite of the other; ha, so easy to mine for comedy gold!2); the list goes on and on. More Fun With Twins does not belong on that list, or in anyone’s game library.

Here’s the setup: a woman named ‘Illiana’ tasks you with matching sets of ‘twins’ cards (i.e. ladies in lingerie) over the course of twenty stages3, supposedly to learn her ‘deepest secrets’. Basically, you flip over cards ad nauseam. Every few rounds, the timer speeds up and another set of cards (and twins, natch!) is added, conceivably to increase the challenge and longevity of this tired exercise. It doesn’t. Even more baffling, the game keeps score, and gives you bonus points for tapping on ‘bonus cards’, which serve zero function and actually cost you the time you waste clicking on them. Baffling.

More Fun With Twins - Screen2

Reach the end, and you get to see Illiana’s milky jugs! That’s not hyperbole or sexual slang of any kind. Suffer through More Fun With Twins and you simply earn an image of two jugs of milk. Seriously. Once again, no joke, no trick. Two jugs of milk. I would have put ‘spoiler alert’ before that big reveal, but the only thing potentially being spoiled here is that digital milk, and your good name. I’ve now saved you from that tragedy and this travesty. You’re welcome.


  1. Which, yes, is a continued contradiction. I absolutely abhor these games and everything they stand for, yet I cover them here, giving them exposure (…hehe, exposure) and me page clicks. So, in actuality, am I just as guilty as these developers? Am I this terrible person lamenting the fall of XBLIG while simultaneously dragging it down further!? Am I the Trojan Horse parked inside my own house!?! Of course… of course… of course… 
  2.  Sarcasm 
  3. Yes, I really played through the entirely of this drivel for you guys. The things I do for the sake of thorough indie journalism! 

REVIEW: Loot or Die

I may get some hate mail / bewildered comments for this, but what the hell; in a lot of ways (and certainly in the spots where it really counts), Loot or Die ($1.00) could be considered a 2D Destiny. Yes, that Destiny. Granted, that’s not an absolute, end-all comparison1, and no one’s going to mistake the art styles from one game or the other, content, etc., but the idea of collecting better armor and weapons to take on tougher challenges is as important (and fun) here as it is in Bungie’s brilliant but flawed magnum opus.

Loot or Die - Screen

Chris Antoni’s newest (and certainly his most complete) game isn’t quite on that same level, but a similar logic— and gameplay mechanic— applies; you explore a series of planets / locations, defeating increasingly-tough enemies and bosses, with the hope that they will drop rewards, your only currency and means of countering later worlds and foes. It’s that simple. The game’s title says so, and makes it abundantly clear what its— and your— repeated objective is; you sir, must loot, or die trying. And oftentimes, that latter option is your only option, until the RNG Gods smile upon you and bless you with better gear and stronger weapons.

Thankfully, you won’t necessarily be going alone. Loot or Die allows you to form a fireteam of up to four, using a drop-in drop-out multiplayer in any of the game’s modes. Rolling with friends to tackle the game in co-op increases the challenge (enemies have their own attacks / patterns), but also your enjoyment. Even playing with randoms on earlier planets can test seasoned players, as your gear and items will smartly adjust to that planet’s difficulty.

Speaking of that gear, each item and weapon in the game carries stats that affect things like your total health, overall damage dealt, etc. Equipment ranges from helmets and chest pieces, to pistols, rifles, and machine guns, while special ‘rings’ will grant you perks when equipped, both offensive (doom blades!) and defensive (healing). There’s also a chance to find ‘epic’ versions of the armor and guns, imbued with an additional status bonus that can transform an otherwise regular item into a vital piece of armament.

It’s a nuanced leveling process, enabling those who take the time to study each item. On the flipside, those same items can lull you into a false sense of superiority. You can leave one planet / boss encounter feeling like a veritable badass, only to be immediately and decisively humbled on the next. Part of the fun is in dying though, and learning new tricks or testing out new combinations. Just be sure to leave extra room in your inventory at all times2, as each boss is guaranteed to drop an epic item of some sort.

Loot or Die - Screen2

Should you tire of the main game and have a competitive side, you can always take things to the PvP arena to settle any doubts about who has the best loadout / humblebrag3. Your stat bonuses attached to your armor and guns really come into play here, as you trade off between things like ring cooldowns, healing, or stealing life from your opponents as you deal damage. Regardless of loadout, it’s a chaotic battle royale for up to eight players.

Beyond that, there’s still plenty to do if you so desire. Much like Destiny, it’s arguable that Loot or Die is even better in its ‘end game’ than it is in its traditional ‘campaign’ mode. A sixth ‘planet’ is unlocked when you complete the game, putting you up against all of the bosses you’ve fought previously, in new, devious pairings, while ‘Defend The Flag’ functions as a sort-of ‘Horde’ setting with an emphasis on defense, having you outlast waves of enemies on a timer. Both modes offer up intense challenges, requiring effective teamwork but also rewarding you with some of the very best weapons and armor in the game should you succeed.

The good news is, you won’t mind the grind to earn any of those rewards or the grief from any of your potential failures. From start to finish, it’s all just… really satisfying. There’s very little to take issue with here, and the developer continues to tweak the game and add new content4 based on community feedback. Ultimately, you won’t play Loot or Die for its storyline (it’s nonexistent!) or its hyper-realistic visuals (or lack thereof); you’ll play Loot or Die because it’s a hell of a lot of fun. And fun beats out everything else.


  1. See that there? That could be taken as immediate backtracking, rendering your hate mail / bewildered comments invalid. I don’t take a concrete position, and I win no matter what! Man, I love being the boss of my own site. 
  2. Something I wasn’t too good at keeping in check. I screwed myself out of some potentially cool rewards more than a few times. 
  3. Like, say, having a kickass gun named after you, one that fires the logo of your site as bullets. Yeah, that actually happens. Thanks, Chris! :) 
  4. An upcoming update will add even more ‘end game’ rewards / drops, increasing variety, …and giving you even more reason to grind out a few more rounds, natch. Happy hunting, and good luck. 

REVIEW: Indiemon VS Zombies

Speaking of nerd cards in need of being revoked, I’ve avoided developer RicolaVG‘s Indiemon series on XBLIG for various reasons, tops among them being that I’m not a huge fan of Pokémon… …I know, it’s heresy, right!? Semi-adorable creatures battling other semi-adorable creatures, with you collecting them1 like a packrat and sending them to endless war; what’s not to love? But… throw some ‘undead’ into the mixture… label it Indiemon VS Zombies ($1.00)… and now you’re speaking my dead / slightly-decaying language, friend!

Indiemon VS Zombies - Screen

That ‘language’ I speak of takes the form of that ‘old reliable’ videogame fallback, the twin-stick shooter genre. The game features twelve Indiemon slaying mobs of zombies, each with their own unique attacks and special moves. And just as reliable (i.e. predictable), those zombies are fought in a pair of rather bland arenas, in a wave-based format according to difficulty. In other words, it’s like every twin-stick zombie shooter you’ve ever played.

Well, somewhat. Indiemon VS Zombies attempts to mitigate some of its me-tooism via upgradeable skill trees, giving each indiemon access to his or her— or its— secondary attacks, in exchange for XP earned during each wave, natch. Some of these ancillary weapons are better suited to the game than others (like say, a gun that can shoot through multiple rows of zombies at once), but they do inject some much needed variety. You can also tweak movement speed and XP gains, or buy additional lives and ammo, which again, helps to give the proceedings a little more depth than just ‘shoot ALL the things’.

Indiemon VS Zombies - Screen2

It still boils down to just that in the end, of course, and it’s a familiar fight. Even the A.I. phones it in. Being surrounded is never good, but you can always just strafe around the edges of the map and do just fine, or have a friend tag along as a second character and gun (there’s local co-op, if you insist). Though short of unlocking some additional indiemon for good play (outlast all waves on a particular map, collect a certain amount of extra lives in reserve, etc.), there’s not much else to it beyond the first hour.

And that makes Indiemon VS Zombies just so-so. Fans of the Indiemon series will undoubtedly be happy with the game, while twin-stick enthusiasts can probably find a favorite character to run through it with. Granted, it’s a fairly generic shooter underneath the Pokémon-ish paint job, but come on… Semi-adorable creatures battling hordes of the ravenous undead; what’s not to love? Eh, you’ll have to answer that one for yourself.


  1. Personally, I’d call it some form of slavery. Not to mention the inhumane storage conditions, being trapped in a tiny ball until your master calls upon you to fight on his / her behalf. 

REVIEW: Deck of Heroes

I should probably have my nerd card revoked for saying this, but I’ve never even tried a strategy card game up to this point in my life, let alone bothered to understand its appeal. I mean, I can barely stand to play ‘Go Fish!’, let alone a variant of Poker or Rock, Paper, Scissors with some form of fantastical creature drawn on them. Not that you should confuse my lack of fluency in these games as contempt or a dismissal, I just really don’t think I’m any kind of authority to be talking about them. But, here I am, with Deck of Heroes ($1.00).

Minus a storyline or any kind of roving mythology, Deck of Heroes is simply a digital card game, albeit one with a decent amount of unique cards (108) and a more well-known, well-played game serving as its inspiration (that’d be Blizzard Entertainment’s Hearthstone). While this game isn’t as flashy and willing to raid your wallet1, Deck of Heroes does let you roll as one of four races (Human, Orc, Elf, and Undead2), then put together a team of cards from that pool, or just choose from a handful of ready-made decks.

Once you’re in-game (there’s local and online versus modes, or you can play the A.I. solo while you wait for a challenger to show up), the setup and conditions for each turn-based battle are pretty straightforward; eliminate your opponent, and survive. This involves the use of said cards, representing a particular minion / bonus perk from your chosen class. Each ‘turn’ in a game allows you to stock up on mana (your means of buying cards / effects), or add cards to your available hand to choose from.

The ‘strategic’ part comes in how you stack your cards, and where you deploy your minions. You can place a maximum of six cards on the top and bottom rows, with the top row serving as your ‘defensive line’, soaking up any incoming damage and / or attacking your enemy’s lines. Each card has its own ‘attack’ stat and ‘health’ count to consider, so you’ll need to plan your round’s moves accordingly. Minions will cancel other minions out should the numbers be in your favor, or you can whittle down your opponent’s health. Other ‘buff’ cards can amplify those choices, such as by swapping cards / rows, spawning a random minion, increasing stats, etc.

Deck of Heroes - Screen

Unfortunately, the ‘strategic’ element can be largely circumvented simply by having patience. There’s little to stop you from building up your mana pool to its max limit, then repeatedly calling in heavy hitters to quickly take out enemy minions and / or wear down your opponent’s health. That lack of serious strategy hurts the game’s single-player portion (the A.I. is perpetually one step above ‘brain dead’), but Deck of Heroes is undoubtedly intended to be played against another human opponent, either online or locally.

The end result may not as fancy as other games of this sort, but Deck of Heroes does a passable impression of a strategy card game… provided you have a friend to play against. I can’t stress that part enough. If you’re in this purely for the hope that the A.I. can provide a meaningful challenge, you’re better off looking elsewhere for your fix.


  1. Sorry, Hearthstone, your not-so-F2P ways make for easy fodder. 
  2. This is XBLIG, so you know zombies have to make an appearance at some point. It’s required by law.  ;) 

‘Cast Of The Seven Godsends’ Might Be The Run ‘N Gun You Need

As a modern throwback1 to 80s Run ‘N Gun platformers (go ahead and make the Ghosts ‘N Goblins comparison, you’re allowed), the upcoming Cast Of The Seven Godsends appears to look and play the part. I mean, we’re talking 16 whole bits here. Plus a lengthy history. Four years in the making, Italian developer Raven Travel Studios has been hard at work putting the finishing touches on the game, expected to release on XBLIG sometime later this Spring.

The game features seven levels and seven types of epic armor to equip, allowing for dozens of weapon / magic combinations. That flexibility ensures you’ll be able to rain various forms of death upon regular enemies and massive bosses alike. At the least, it all makes for a uniquely-tuned, uniquely-vibrant art style that looks as good in still shots as it does in motion. Good gameplay should follow.


You can follow developer Raven Travel Studios on Twitter and / or like their Facebook page.


  1. Forgive the oxymoron. The word pairing, I mean, not me. I’m not a moron. Am not! Am not! 

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